When I unzipped my pants I said "Release the Cracken"... she dug it so we're getting married soon.
Olympics start in one day, that gives us 24hrs to think of gold medal worthy drinking games
How many 'remember name' entries is it inappropriate to have in one's cell phone?
This titty bar has wifi. I just did FaceTime stage side
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Man when i saw they were the only ones hard core grinding to the Cha Cha slide against the wall, I knew they were gonna have sex tonight.
Had dinner with my ex husband. The box of wine is gone and I'm laying on the floor in my wedding dress. Where are you?!
Waking up to find your mom holding your birth control pills and telling you I suggest you take this
easter 2014 is on 4/20 THIS IS NOT A DRILL YOUR FAMILY WILL EXPECT YOU TO BE HOME AND SOBER I REPEAT THIS IS NOT A DRILL
He thought he was ordering for the whole party so when he came back with thirty burritos and four of us were left, he wasn't happy
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I know this is super early in advance but can I borrow your horse mask on 4/20
Well at least I will forever be known as the girl he ate out on the lifeguard stand while people walked by. On the first date.
my experiences serve only to benefit you young virgin
Fuck you and your fucking taquito's.
She was topless, yelling this is Sparta, threatening to push her dad into the sewer. I am pretty sure she won't be at school.
I left the party 20 min ago..just thought i would tell you so you wouldnt think i fell in the lake again
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