So my mouth tastes like dick. Does that explain how our talk went?
he just found out his girl is having a boy. he's probably googling "Ed Hardy diapers" as we speak.
Get everyone out of their dorms and watch 3 girls do the walk of shame from my room.
You don't understand. He was so ginger that he could make red hair a dominant gene. And I refuse to torture my future spawn like that.
At what point would you like us to save you from yourself?
You found me in the back room alone eating someone else's whole birthday cake with my hands then asked me if you could join.
Dude, she got on top of me, grumbled in a low voice "I'm going to make you remember me", and then farted.
I had a great time except for the part where you called another guy, told him you were in a cab - not on a date - and that you'd meet him at a bar in 15 minutes. but besides that it was awesome. Next time capping you at two glasses of wine
I'm just saying, no one has ever made me laugh or cum as hard as you do. Sometimes at the same time which I didn't know was possible. Is there even a word for that besides love?
cool, get new shit, I dnt want the same old if it's my last drink ever
The world isn't ending you idiot. I'll grab beer
I just made a drink so ill shit. It's goona be great. Ill tell you about it when you get here. Get pumped. For my shit.
The first thing we did this morning was see if we could see her barf in the prking lot from the roof. We could. It was in 5 spaces.
My wife managed to convince me to not drink everclear by threatening to ban me from her vagina
No alcohol sales on Election Day. WTF? Today, of all days, I need to be splurged to to vote for any of these morons running for president.
You reached new levels of laziness. After we woke you up to take shots with us, you stayed in bed so you didn't have to move when you were drunk and sleepy
Randomize
