U of I kids don't fist pump to Sweet Caroline. Get me the fuck out of here.
i rewarded my self with tacobell for not throwing up on any one. MISTAKE
Just spent 3 hours on the Mcdonalds website. I don't know what to do with myself now that college is over.
Yeah it was hard to find an opportunity while fucking him to say "oh the reason my lips taste so salty is because i blew your roomate 15 minutes ago"
He ended up letting us go, I think he just felt sorry for us. It's the only time that my night's gotten worse after I've taken my pants off.
Hey remember that thing i said about never apologizing for being a hot mess? Well that was before you found me drunk in the hallway with no pants.
i've really grown. sober me left an alarm for me every 10 minutes that said NO FAT CHICKS!
dude. im stealing that.
I am in my freshman residence hall trying to convince an Asian man to give me my pants back. Never. Drinking. Again.
Skip school. Seven hour blow job Plus Disney movies. Day of champions
Out of desperation, I used the leftover sauce from my goat masala as a mixer for vodka shots.
I made her orgasm until she cried. Four years of only having sex with dudes and I've still got it.
You've thrown off my entire schedule. Usually SATURDAYS are my "try to hide the jizz on my leggings" days
I wish drunk me came with subtitles
So you let the Viking explore your nether regions?
well my apartment and my life are still a disaster but I did clean off my desk so that's gotta count for something...
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