Please tell me I didn't pass out while we were having sex last night... and if so I am sooooo sorry.
i just found five singles in my underwear?! im suspicious but delighted none the less
Getting up at 8 this morning to drink could be the best and the worst idea we've ever had
She always acts like she's doing me a favor with a hand job. I've been giving myself hand jobs for almost 20 years.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
her night didn't end so well, both of her boyfriends got arrested... together.
just cheers'ed a flock of cattle as i drove past eating a burger i bought 7 hours ago. that high.
What's the over under on catching something from your sister?
I think I'm still fucked. I can see the electricty going through the street car lines
She just hopped out of the car at a red light to pet the baby Jesus in the nativity scene.
Not worth it.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You never know, some chick could have a weird unibrow fetish.
Mike is so stoned. I just heard him quietly mutter to himself "rock a piss" as he walked down the hall to the bathroom
I just found a reminder in my phone to ask you about your sex life in 7 years. So how is that going?
Be quiet or buzz aldrin will come beat you up with science
God I love dating single dads. They've got their shit at least a little bit together and there's always snacks after sex. #nakedfruitrollups
I've been trying to masturbate for the longest time now and so far I've accomplished getting tangled in my computer battery cord and phone charger and hitting my knee on my laptop.
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