Are they still out there making out on the couch? How can we get them to leave?
I 'm gonna go stand naked in the kitchen with a knife
I know its small, but please -- stop calling it my "weenis".
White Russians with skim milk. Fuck I'm healthy.
I wish they made portable blow up dolls for girls.
It's called a dildo, genius. Go to sleep.
vicodin is the reason why I believe in magic
what kind of wine goes with anal sex and shame?
I don't like finding out that my fuck buddy is a good person.
you can't tell me you didn't shit your pants I saw them in the trash can by the bathroom.
Good call on the strip club last night. Everytime i smell some flowery candle or air freshener I get transported back to having my face firmly planted in Riah and Desire's tits.
You're welcome.
Apparently all year they've been using me as a standard of drunkenness
I like that our conversation ended with "im gonna go get pregnant goodnight"
She told him that she never wanted to see him again then took his takeout box of bacon cheddar fries and got in the uber saying "for feminism"
I love how u said nothing about the sidewalk sex but refused shower sex
Update on my sex life: my calves are sore from masturbating too much. It's a thing. Look it up.
When the nurses wouldn't let him smoke in the hospital he decided to just roll around on the floor.
Randomize
