maybe tonight we can turn coloring into a drinking game
he asked me if i had ever jacked off high and then referred to it as a "man-to-man question"
your cum blends into my yellow sheets :/
Last night must have been awesome, my dog still smells like vomit.
1. They have gold fish races every wednesday. 2. They have a redbull vodka slushie. We need to visit this place.
1. My fish will beat your fish. 2. Were getting fucked up
Had a drag queen carry me to the car. So I'm told...
Dude that bathroom stall was not tall enough to be doing lines in, guys kept peeking over and giving us high fives
Why did I wake up holding food tongs?
I am going to ride along with a cop tonight so please don't get arrested because that would be super awkward for me.
I'm out of town so we should be golden.
No. I'm laying on the floor naked. I almost made it to the shower
This could be the definition of living by yourself
Did I run away from you last night?
Yeah it was a great moment for our friendship
Happy cinco de mayo!! Puke filled sombrero in the lawn needs to be picked up and whos never punched my fence boards in half needs to replace those by the way the owner of those panties (see attached photo) anytime you wanna cum over;-) hiii!
he walked up looked at my boobs then looked at my eyes then looked at my boobs again smiled and said "can I get you and the girls a shot "
He sent me a dick pic from work, but I could see all the pizzas in the background. Now I'm just hungry.
I have to have boobs, you have the charm and wholesomeness that gets boyfriends... And i have boobs
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