I'm pretty sure my roommate has taken plan B more times than i've had sex. Not sure how that makes me feel.
literally every day that goes by where he doesn't talk to me makes me more determined to get him to have sex with me
woke up with a sweatshirt on that said "someone special calls me grandma" and a sword. i'm just going to assume that it was a good night
Do you remember trying to eat gravel when we were walking back to the dorm?
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Did you spray paint that captain morgan fifth that's in the freezer gold?
where are you?
Hypothermia
Drunk Tina signed up to be part of the crew team and got a text from the captain telling her there's practice tomorrow. Wtf
Are you having sex right now? Or is the apt just swaying rhythmically on its own? Either way, awesome.
He only likes me when I'm naked and I don't like being around him clothed. It's the perfect relationship.
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Find a vagina and bring it to me. Like feeding a tiger.
I need ecstasy. And, before you ask, the answer is yes right now
How is it??
I'm drinking Gatorade out of a champagne flute.
He suffocated between her tits, but she didn't notice because he still came.
I just told the bartender to “give me something that will murder me”
yeah....try hearing them in person. it sounds like two muppets going at it
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