They left shortly after you claimed the dirty rug as your mattress and began alternating between singing "Dayman" and "Nightman"
Kinda wish I banged him. I need the exercise.
i just called. the lady was really nice. something tells me my schools clinic gets a lot of calls about chlamydia
Their was just 7 people standing outside eating a costco chicken, definitley at the right party
I wish they could condense everything I needed, nutritionally speaking, into mike and ikes
My dads not up on pop culture but he's not dumb enough to believe your 2 girls 1 cup reference at dinner was from the bible.
Please. I don't care how shitty his fake life story was. As horny as I was I just wanted the prettiest man possible in case I accidentally got pregnant. He had blue eyes.
I just showered sitting down with a sippy cup of water in there with me. It took 40 minutes. That hungover.
If they weren't representing Obama and the White House, they definitely would've punched me in the face.
If we had kids we couldn't come home, get high and watch porn together. And that's like the only reason I get up in the morning
she's fucked both of my roommates but not me. i feel like I'm not part of the group anymore
I promise not to pretend to be Jesus and take the wheel. But to my credit you shouldn't be saying that while I'm that drunk and we are in a car.
Very unfortunate to find out the kid who took your virginity has never seen Star Wars🙃
- I'm finally learning to be functional when I'm high. I feel like this is a milestone.
I'm not 100 percent on this, but I think I just shit a lump of cement. What the fuck happened last night?
Randomize
