Someone wrote that you're a whore in one of the bathroom stalls
I didn't know I was popular enough to be hated. This is awesome
my drunk step mom just informed me my dad likes reverse cowgirl. Please god kill me.
when im bored during the day i often think, what do people who dont get high do with their day.. i came to the conlcusion that everyone must be getting high
I'm reducing my diet to vodka and rice cakes.
i went to a real vip club. the bathroom attendant was wiping down counters after girls wearing gucci did lines of coke on them. where did MY life go wrong
Also, just saw a kid in a gorilla costume being questioned by a boardwalk cop. I love ocean city.
So i forgot that my head is completely wrapped in gauze, and tried to do the "come hither" look. He think's i'm brain damaged
Last night in my drunkenness I bought hurricane supplies which included a jug of wine and a bouquet of flowers. Apparently I'm going to woo Irene.
Going to the market. I need some nachos and a serious re-evalution of my life.
Why do you think it's a no-pants party?
Invite says "dress to impress". Her fault for leaving it open to interpretation.
WHYAREWHITEGUYSSOBADINBED?! What the fuck went wrong, evolution?
Just resonded to a booty call with "how much effort is required on my part?" I think I've finally reached the point of smoking too much pot
I'm tempted to randomly yell out 'SO HOW IS YOUR UNDERAGE GIRLFRIEND' but that would be callous
He put rainforest music on before we had sex I felt like I was in the Amazon
You yelled at me about a fork.
You probably deserved it, I'm very territorial about my cutlery.
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