Just because i have a masturbation problem doesnt mean you can put 20 photos of Jesus in my room.
i'm gonna start putting 34DD under other qualifications on my bartender applications and see if that helps
My mom just bought me $200 worth of booze on the condition that I promise I won't have to go to rehab eventually
no one should ever give us hovercrafts
Drunken horseback riding is the absolute worst decision i've ever made in my life.
New game: Step 1) Turn on ESPN. Step 2) Drink every time someone says "LeBron."
Worst bachelorette party. She got smashed and cried because she thinks she might have herpes from when she cheated on him. Not looking good for them.
We just found a knife wedged in between the cushions on the couch you guys fucked on...why is this?
I chased a girl up a staircase screaming because she had a cardboard cut out of James Dean which, at the time, I believed to my friend being held against his will
Update- I sold my hat to some drunk kid for 50 bucks. I used my earnings to buy beer on the way home. I realize to everyone else seeing me drinking on my balcony at 6am, I look like an alcoholic, but I'm thinking of it as a night cap
Hope you don't mind if I never tell my family about you.
This is the I'm sorry text for running around yelling don't shit on my rainbow, end up in the fetal position crying at 4 am in my car because someone shit on my rainbow
Awk. Hanging with her while messaging her ex about sex injuries he gave me
DO YOU REALIZE HOW AWESOME MY GRANDMA WOULD BE IF SHE GOT HIGH
Dennis picked up a 50 year old woman. Then he and Dan got in a fight and jumped out of the limo. No one knows what happened to them.
Randomize
