we were just talking about designated drivers and i suggested we each hire a mexican day laborer to give us piggy back rides... i have the best ideas eveeer
whenever he goes down on me he looks at me and I just want to poke him in the eyes
Okay Im going to go have some sex apparently. I hope this chick is prepared the zero effort Im going to put into it.
He just showed up to brunch with one shoe and only the battery from his phone.
We were all definitely blackout with drunk goggles on, even though you and Amanda were the only ones dressed up as it.
The fact that she put a frat guy in check tells me I did some good raising my little sister. Time to see if she does keg stands.
Not that you went to little darlings at 3am. But that you checked in on Facebook. C'mon bro. You're better than that.
I have officially tracked lube all over our house on the bottom of my socks without knowing it. Don't slip when you come in
OMG CHARGE YOUR PHONE I NEED TO KNOW IF THIS IS A GOOD PICTURE OF MY ASS
List 10 things your GF won't do for you, and we can work through that list.
She helped me out of the car and i face planted into the snow.....and just stayed there and took like a 30 min nap.
Me and my girlfriend were watching porn together..... it got awkward cause I kept getting notifications from my family on Facebook
Don't do it. It's 9 am on a Monday morning and I'm hungover. I can't deal with tears right now.
I would like to reiterate that I went to give lessons and ended up having a three way instead
Best news I’ve heard all day. Cookies and dick. What more could a girl ask for?
Randomize
