but it happened after you broke up with me and before we made up.
you think thats bad? Today I had to pop a zit on my sack.
Lets go to the mall and pick up some fat chicks and take them out tonight so we can be the skinny friends
making cat noises will not fix the situation.
now there's a facebook group for all the people whose lives i've ruined
we just did breakfast shots, I have a black eye and savage garden is on . Best weekend ever
The extent of my physical activity is running from the cops.
Yeah, sam & jessica were trying to have sex and you walked in & started coaching them through it with a fake hulk hogan mustache on.
So you get idea of what my night was like, I woke up this morning and the back of my head was orange
She had an asthma attack and had to stop but insisted on getting me off. It's official she's the one
You know the party's good when you say "Never have I ever caused an emergency landing" and someone drinks
Tell him you want to lick his face. Didn't work for me but might turn out better for you idk
My yoga ball is now going to be used for actual exercise instead of somewhere to suction cup a dildo
You'd be proud...I've an early morning wake up booty call...he should be here around 6am ish...I told him to wake me nicely.
Do you ever just want to be mashed potatoes?
Randomize