and ill be dreaming of you. not in a creepy way, but in an inappropriate way
as soon as I walked into work this morning, my boss called me out on my hangover, patted me on the back and said I'm getting time an a half for even showing up. Did I really look that bad this morning?
Of course, I believed he would find me irrestible...sloppy drunk, chugging from a bottle of chardonnay, and completely naked because those kids stole my clothes as I was swimming on their private beach
I saw him on the jumbotron, its like god doesnt want me to forget his tiny penis
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My vibrator challenges you to a duel.
Even the bar was yelling boobs, so of course the shirt came off
Which is worse that I came in public or that no one noticed?
Pretty sure by 1p, she had fucked all of my bodily fluids out of me. I'm now trying to replace them with bourbon so 2016 is turning out pretty good.
So my family just woke up on Easter morning and shared a bowl. That's bonding😊
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm not in bed, I'm driving and puking at the same time.... first for everything
Yes, ur purse got stole with our condo keys in it but my slut ass saved us and we had a place to stay, AND I got to choke a motherfucker while riding him. Thats taking one for the team.
Thank you for coming with me today. I find it appropriate that we celebrated my negative pregnancy test with slurpees and donuts.
Taking a walk while tripping face during Halloween time was a bad idea. I started crying bc I was so scared and hide in the parks playground.
Somebody put William Shatner singing Bohemian Rhapsody on the jukebox, and the whole bar is about to riot.
She was shaving her legs in the neighbors pool when we found her.
Where'd she get the razor?
Not the point.
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