If it has a penis then it will be stupid. Just how it works.
turns out a healthy dose of cleavage is the equivalent of a swig of felix felicis
I can blatently call girls sluts here and they think i'm speaking norwegian
I can't wait for the 4th. I'll probably get drunk and end up puking all over whichever 18 year old I end up making out with.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just found scrambled eggs in my shower. Thanks for that, asshole.
I woke up smelling like the ciroc you tried pouring into my mouth last night. I think my clothes are still soaked
You asked the waitress what the corking fee would be on the Joose you smuggled into the restaurant.
In my defense, I haven't stolen anyone's clothes yet.
Yeah, that's a plus.
Friends don't let friends put redi whip in their wine
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Masturbating during the Olympics and cumming during the national anthem really is everything it's cracked up to be. Just thought you should know.
I never thought my selfie stick would come in handy for nudes.
He's ready to settle down, whereas I'm like "More shots please"
So was this before or after he cried about trump?
After
I just woke up in his bed.. in a cardboard castle, with a Justin Bieber poster on the ceiling staring down at me, cuddling with 4 empty PBR cans. I win.
Why did I wake up with a half-eaten burrito and a vaccuum cleaner in my bed? ...on top of me.
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