he was lying next to me and i saw him text "score" to someone.
I hope you shit your pants in a socially devastating situation.
why isn't there a fb relationship option that says 'still banging my ex'
you were trying to give my penis an indian burn.
so my phone autocorrects 'retard' to 'retaaahd'. i LOVE being a masshole!
Absence makes the cock grow harder.
Everything tastes like Lysol. Am I dying?
That little tingle vodka gives me in my esphagus is what lets me know I'm still alive.
Nothing like being buzzed at 10:20am off wine shots in Amish country
You have no idea I looked like the porno version of Laura Ingalls Wilder
You couldn't even walk but you came into the kitchen with the funnel and begged me to put beer in it
Mark my words I will never date another cop again. I don't care if he's JESUS.
FUCK IM ABOUT TO GET A DICK PIC IN THE LIBRARY
Talked to the dude for a hour . I now know where he lives, his occupation, his goals, his dreams and what his dick looks like.
Idk I just think that seeing that man's Twitter always resulting in me looking for the whiskey is a bad sign
Randomize
