you made me "pop lock and drop it" as a sobriety test last night..
I think I can smell my own vagina right now
its 9am. i just got home. spent 6 hours blowing him in a closet last night
I mean this holiday was built on cheap beer, shitty whisky, and processed meat... and I fully plan to honor that
You are the only person I know that goes to a bar enough to charge your iPhone there....
This is going to be another afternoon spent getting drunk in the shower, isn't it?
Just fucking put out. It'll be a good lay, promise. Stop being a prude. Damn it. A boy is trying to put his penis in you. APPRECIATE IT.
And then she said "wanna make a vine of me twerking on the wall?"
I disagree, if your last name is Weiner then the sending of dick pics should be mandatory. I'd give him a pass.
When in doubt, it's too much cheese
Let's try finding a bar where there aren't people who want to hang me from a tree by my nutsack
I just tried to brush my hair with a can opener. Who gave you that brownie
I don't care if it's 2 inches or 20 I mean dick is dick
What did you give up for lent?
Diet and excersize. And I'm never going back...
Almost gave myself a concussion stealing a stuffed unicorn hanging on a street sign but hey I got home safe
Randomize
