Who wears a wallet chain?!
i say over christmas we have a beer pong competition with the cousins and see who really has the best genes in the family.
He just said "fuck you" to the bowl he's eating things out of
now that you've tased me I refuse to buy you flowers
i thought i should point out that whatever else you can say about me, i've still gotten high with a midget.
You'd be surprised how many calories hedonism burns.
I'm not taking advice from anyone I've seen passed out naked at noon on the hood of a strangers car. Meaning you.
There really needs to be a redbox for wine because I want some but too lazy to walk into a store
You tried to steal my pants at 3am saying they were yours and somebody was gonna die, not cool dude
well it was great until i saw his anime body pillow
I feel like I smell like bad decisions
Did i fall last night when u carried me home.
idk
OHHH yea you fell down the stairs face first
i cant hook up i'm covered in egg rolls
I will not abuse the gift that was given to me
You were given a vagina and you abuse that pretty hard
I know he’s married, but he’s still a guy with balls and a dick. He noticed my cleavage and stared at my ass. He’ll call.
Randomize
