We stole some shitttt from king sooper's. fuck yeaaa
what did you steal
frozen pizza, cat litter, and preperation H. not much different than my usual grocery list.
There's a "art of the blow job" class in the city. We should go
Baby, I'm all set with that. That would be like trying to teach bruce lee how to kick someone in the head
idk why but i just wanna to have sex with the idea of him. i don't even wanna meet him.
you want my honest opinion? I'm sure refering to her vagina as the "bat cave" was your first mistake.
I love my penis, it thinks for me sometimes
they got in a fight during sex...she came out yelling and covered in chocolate
I don't know if it was his cologne or his Jesus hair, but he was much more fuckable than last time I saw him.
Now that I think about it, it may have been the 6 pitchers of beer.
I already banned bobbing for apples. While drunk that's just drowning near fruit.
My stalker sent me an erotic poem. Who knew anyone could find a way to rhyme birth and girth so eloquently?
I made people serenade her before talking to her and went on a condom run. If I'm going to be in the friend zone, I'm going to be its fucking king.
& I just realized there is no vomit smiley. There needs to be a vomit smiley
Tuesday Boozeday turned into What-the-fuck-were-you-thinking Wednesday real fast.
We might as well just set our livers out to sea on burning ships
I yelled out "blow jobs!" in my macroeconomics class. Ask me more about how my life is spiraling out of control.
I just had to explain my bite marks to my allergy doctor when she gave me my shots...You're the best <3
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