I feel like I'm in dance class right now
Remember in school when they told us our vag was made just the right size for our future husband? I must say I am enjoying trying to find that perfect fit.
Using your Catholic School education as an excuse for this? Why didn't I think of that?!
My mom gave me a book called "why good people do bad things"
I didn't realize you were one of the "good people"
i am pretty sure she ate my hamster last night. i am thinking this because she left me a note that says she ate my hamster and my hamster is no longer in its hamster cage.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We made the pizza boy do Jell-o shots with us. He didn't even deliver to our house, we just called him over from the neighbors
Remember my theory about how the universe perfectly unfolds to fuck me? Well, it's at work right now
She sucks dick like Beethoven on piano, but talking to her is like Simple Jack in Tropic Thunder. Still working out the pros vs cons list.
At least you got a round of applause for dancing like vanilla ice across the street and into the bar. Even as you were getting carded
Is it wrong that the only reason I'd want Savannah in my wedding party is to watch her whore around and drink?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We tried the hang n bang, remember? You ruined it by crying and telling me you loved me while blowing me.
I offered to give him "road head" while he played GTA 5. I think he will be more optimistic about date night in the future.
Wanna get mid day margaritas tomorrow if I'm still alive
How is it medically possible for my urine to smell like espresso
I wouldn't be able to live with myself if I blew a Trump supporter.
Then you screamed in her face to shut up about thick thighs saving lives because actually they can suffocate people during oral sex
Drunk me is very safety conscious And apparently just as annoyed by her as sober me
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