I'm so bored, I can only pretend that this truck is a spaceship for so long.
This was all being yelled across a beer pong table as all important things should be discussed
So you used a whole package of smoked meat last night. Didn't eat it, just took it out and put it all over the fridge.
he just asked me for a tag team. like at least let me get changed out of your roommates clothes from last night first...
I dont care if he cant spell. Illiterate people need blowjobs too
Giving my coworkers lap dances cuz it was my turn to decide our team bonding exercise. Go happy hour!
he just gave me a love letter in polish. he thinks i speak polish. I DONT SPEAK POLISH
I'd have paid money to see Cookie Monster playing with a vibrator
Since the world is still here you can go ahead and disregard those pictures I sent
You know I think I am ok with him not moving in yet. He came over, fixed my closet, ate me out, and left. I'm now in sweats drinking coke and rum and watching new girl. This works for me.
you know she was a bad idea when your mom offers to pay for an eHarmony account
It's so Britney 2007, you know?
He was tied up with the electrical tape and force fed wine from a box. It was never going to end well.
Either it didn’t do much damage or I’ve lost all feeling in my asshole
hey can you come unlock the basement door? I'm trapped in here.
no I can't, you're a safety hazard. but, there's a beer keg down there somewhere. we don't have cups, but help yourself.
Randomize
