You need to come back and get me. This is not a jersey shore party and he is not dressed as Pauly D and I am about one shot away from hooking up with a real fist pumping Guido.
I think it's safe to say me, swords and vodka can never be aloud in the same room again.
I think the tooth fairy visited me last night... after I chipped my tooth n blacked out, I woke up to my purse filled with cocaine n sequins.
some girl just asked me if I was that guy that hooked up with nine girls in one night. officially a local celebrity. gonna try and autograph her boobs.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
the lady next to me just sniffed my hair, smiled, and then fell asleep. I almost started crying from that kind of creepiness
don't cry, we can learn from her
I just stood up and am wasted. I think I just admitted to my mom that I am trying to fuck everyone in New York because they're skinny and ethnically ambiguous. Meanwhile, happy hour isn't over yet.
My sharpie cut off line was invaded last night. Where's my turtleneck?
Is it sad that I have better conversations with his roommate before or after sex than I do with him in general?
Ok. I'll enjoy the quiet (translation: I might be naked, call ahead if you come home tonight)
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Nick is about to bring home a woman who is 39, a mother, and, by all accounts, FUCKING HOMELESS. Will update as details become available.
Drunkenly making hamburger helper. I just whispered "I can't wait to have you in my mouth."
Hey can you send me a copy of my mugshot? I need it to prove a point
you got in a fight with your imaginary friend last night when he didn't catch you after a surprise trust fall
Oh, did your mom say anything else about my butt?
No one can touch me, I'm made of fruit.
Randomize