Dude, we have the same penis size. Best friends for life.
In other news I saw a pack of make believe zombies walking down green st.
gotta love wednesdays
I really don't understand how I cannot figure out how to work a fucking can opener when I'm hungover. Yet I still retained the ability to take a perfectly symmetrical picture of my erect penis and send it to every person in Matt's contacts the night before.
In an unknown location. With a giant marshmallow stuck to my back. Hello breakfast.
Oh, and trying to figure out who wants to do Molly in a frat is like asking damn children if they want puppies and candy. So just bring as much as possible.
When he grabbed my tits it felt like he was either giving me a mammogram or trying to pierce my nipples with his fingers.
she's unstoppable after she starts doing shots and yelling NANNER
I had him autograph the condom wrapper.
KEG. KEG. THE OPERA HAS A KEG. KEG STAND IN A TUX. AFTER PARTY RAVE AND KEG STANDS.
How do I tell your little brother I lost my virginity wearing nothing but his socks?
Formal letter or email.
Look. When I let you cum on my tits don't fuck it all up by going "SKEET SKEET SKEET" it just pisses me off.
Congratulations, you have turned my vagina into a garden hose.
My disapointment is making my balls hurt :(
He passed out in my car.
What's the problem?
HE'S STILL IN MY FUCKING CAR.
Remember that Czech tennis player I brought home from beer pong and banged on your couch last year? He just booty calle me. From the Czech Republic.
Randomize
