Dude someone changed all the contacts in my phone to I Like Eggs
My dad just yelled at me for going to youth group with out telling him. Apparently going out to fuck a girl without telling him gets me a high 5, going to youth group gets me grounded.
those are the first brownies ive had since i was 13 that didnt have weed in them.
but the good news is i woke up with 15 dollars in my pocket so i probably sold my phone instead of puking on it
I have to verbally tell you. He looks good on paper...but he totally fails in person. Like communism.
Question: does the slut gene come from the mother or the father? im trying to figure out who to blame.
omg i hate the new neighbors. why cant a bitch just be hungover in peace on a wednesday morning.
Well, it's either jungle juice or memory of the night... It's unfortunate I can't have both
I went to look at my notes for my take home final and all I had written was 'you're on E. You won't remember a damn thing anyway.'
I needed to do something spontaneous, and since no one had coke this was the next best thing.
Taco Bell. She just parked, got out of the car mid drive-thru, ran to the dumpsters, pissed, then ran back and drove up in the line.
My mom just told me the story of how she met my dad through prison. How was your saturday?
Just escaped from the ER. Meet me at the bar in 20 minutes.
I look over and the both of you are naked, and he's eating chicken nuggets off the floor
I want to ride that like one of the Horsemen of the Apocalypse- with bourbon in hand and without mercy.
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