the roller ball on my blackberry is the closest i've come to touching a clit in 2 years.
Then my mouth guard fell out of the hole, so that's how the dog poop got in my mouth.
does it still count as break up sex if it's 4 months later? sorry i'm just looking for an excuse to fuck him.
So I just bought underwear that says "I'm taken." Just know that when I cheat on my bf with you, that's what I'm wearing
He screamed for everyone to hide, unplugged the music, then talked to the cop. Last I saw he was high fiving him...
He's the fucking cop whisperer.
Take in how we used all the shot glasses in the bar in less than an hour
I'm just going to text him the word sex repeatedly until he comes over.
Did it work?
Duh, it only took 27 texts and 15 minutes and he was at my front door.
You definitely in your drunken state were really concerned you would forget to buy milk today
My roommate is watching gummy bears "race" from a mega-marshmallow to his lava lamp.
Her rack rivals that of the deer I shot last season. You need to get after that.
So apparently when I'm drunk and want water I pant like a dog and expect to have water given to me..
Should I be flattered that she mumbled "You're the king of my face" before passing out?
My mind doesn't wanna day drink but my heart does.
Fun fact: I came home from the riverboat without my panties. And woke up with a different pair on.
I’m lazy so obviously looking like a rotisserie chicken is my favourite position
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