Sometimes, dog treats look like people treats.
She said she had a thing for dinosaurs. Come get me now
Seriously... There's something wrong here. I'm drinking vodka to mask the smell of chocolate on my breath before I get home and he finds out. I fucking hate couple dieting...
I'm blazed about to take my 8am final. Another girl is too. We just looked each other in the eyes. She's my soul sister.
I started drinking at around 8.. Started heavily drinking around 815.
I woke up with a half eaten bag of lettuce in my hand, wearing my Halloween costume from last year. Damn you tequila.
I did too many shots and now a kitten is trying to eat my bagel.
Found the puke drawer
Well at one point he got ahold of my archery gear.. And I. Shit. You. Not. Sarah took an arrow to the knee.
You should have seen the pharmacists face when I paid for my inhaler refill and a box of condoms.
stop sending me battleship coordinates and get back here so i can suck your dick
We were kinda loud so his roommate woke up and to make up for it he invited him to a threesome. I can't drink whiskey anymore.
I'm sorry I keep having sex wth your friends. I'm done, for real. Unless cole is interested. Other than that, I'm done.
The candles are lit, the magic circle is drawn, now all we need to do is get naked and see how many orgasms we can manage.
Intoxication Level: I'm as graceful and flawless as a fucking dinosaur.
Randomize
