his penis looked like arnold from hey arnold. it was interesting.
After I tried for five minutes to hang my beer from the coat hanger in the bathroom , I have realized I am drunk
Yes. It's so easy to pack to leave when you've thrown away half your clothing cause it smells like vomit.
you missed kickoff and the first round of bodyshots. I suggest you get here now.
Call me when your ready for an explanation about the ham in your vagina.
Just came during my obgyn appt. I need to get laid.
doing shots of $6 a bottle whiskey and chasing it with milk. my own personal way of saying fuck life.
Hey have you ever thought about fishing cause I'd like to go fishing but don't know anyone that fishes and I'm gonna cry because. FISHING
This is going to ruin my future wedding planner career, but isn't it better the groom knows he's gay BEFORE he gets married?
I think you should just bang him and get it out of your system.
That's what you say about everyone.
Did we actually play with swords last night or did I dream that?
Just let me put on a bra and brush the alcohol out of my hair.
Its mothers day... Can my present be an orgasm...for once?
What? I'll do just about anything if you give me a sticker.
i hooked up with all four beatles on halloween get on my level
Randomize
