Im so hungover that my 6 year old cousine made me aspirine and coffee out of playdoh...
it was just fiscally responsible to stop going to strip clubs where the strippers recognized me
Im not spending 10 to get hit on by potential transexuals even if they are cuter than most of the girls I dated.
She asked if I could convince him so shave that shit off his face so he'll have a snowball's chance in hell of getting laid.
he tried to give me his business card but gave me his health insurance card then realized it and offered to take me to the strip club
Bought asot tix too. After Saturday I'm gonna be reborn like Jesus and no drugs until edc
In my dream, you became a famous tap-dancer. Congratulations.
our friendships a beautiful delicate flower...that has been crushed by peni
Literally just had a girl put her street name into my phone. Yeah.
How many fucks given?
0.12846
My desperation for dick was off put by his anime figure collection.
THIS THING HATES MY LIVER
He drank an entire six pack, past out on the guest bed, woke up around 4AM, lifted & dropped my leg, then peed on the corner of the bed. When I told him where he was pissing he said "it's all the same babe."
this morning's inventory: a top hat, two empty bottles of everclear, half a slim jim, cigars, tiara, pot necklace, and some fishnets. and that's just my purse.
Why in the hell is there a guy dressed up as a horse passed out in our kitchen.
happy birthday!
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