I just saw a guy in front of the courthouse giving himself a sobriety test and fail it...this can't end well
As a matter of fact you told me i fulfilled your "woodshop teacher fantasy"
yea, their son has been arrested on more than one occassion, their daughter is pregnant and their other daughter graduated but she was adopted, so clearly genes are everything.
Sorry but i am wayy to hungover to take mom to her AA meeting.
Wont she be proud, Hailey.
They make twin pack pregnancy tests for girls like us
Well I found out I was essentially dumped and replaced by a hipster and apparently offered a girl $95 to go out with me. In the spirit of the Olympics I will not be spending any time on the medal stand.
Delete that photo of me. My ass looks WAY to good it in to be on Facebook for everyone to see. You gotta earn that shit.
If I asked you to guess what I'm doing right now how many guesses would it take to get to really high eating an apple bumping techno
WHY did you say no to the sex seance?
That hot shower felt like it washed away all of my problems... Except being pregnant... Ps just found out I'm pregnant. Fuck.
Don't judge me. It's a Monday night and I can eat burritos in while bathing in the kitchen sink if I want to.
I've never been to an orgy, but I would assume nachos wouldn't be out of the question at one.
Oh man. I am high, watching The Office and getting pancakes. What a country.
and then she sorta stared at me like "holy shit" and I looked down and my dog was licking her ass
Ruff night.
I'll be coming off of 7 days of not drinking. No horse tranqs either. I haven't been this sober since I was in the womb
Randomize
