She turned over and said "You smell like my dad, i just can't do this"
I can't believe you're fucking in the bar bathroom, but everyone else can, and they're really proud.
Remind me to never go to the bar with your Asian friends again. I need to be able to read or pronounce what I'm drinking.
Things we need. Powerade. Water in fridge. Mixers for vodka. And reality checks.
He was fucking her while he was wiping my tears.
I woke up to him using my debit card to order PPV porn and Jimmy Johns. I don't even know his name.
theres chocolate ground into my couch, nerds candy all over the floor and cocaine on every surface. great memorial day weekend and yours?
Just made a memo in my blackberry that contains seth's funeral arrangements. I have a feeling he has big plans for the weekend.
Also this guy fingered me at the bar and then gave me his card
I had so much stripper lotion and body glitter on my glasses I had a hard time driving home.
Aaaaaaand, there's the title of my second book. "One Dick. Six Angles."
Well thank god i want six autographed copies
I'm tired of being known as the Great Giver Goddess of the Almighty Pity Bone.
Most tragic bathtub-fart of all time. I am going to be late.
My sweat smells like Wild Turkey. I'm really feeling the holiday spirit.
Okay everything with a penis is officially dead in my eyes
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