I have a critically important question to ask.
Why does watermelon-flavoured candy exist?
so i just calculated it and i would need to score 150% on this final to pass
Woke up chewing my pillow from a dream where I was scarfing Cajun pasta from TGI Friday's. That's a new level of fat, even for us
Just caught my first cougar this fake was worth every fucking penny.
Just got motor boated by a horse in the street
now that I know that you did coke with your mom I can't look at her the same
Running errands with mom, cool. Coming to pleasures with mom for her valentines night, not ever in a million years cool.
Literally too hungover to clean. I'll get the frosting off the table tomorrow, ok?
you showed up at my door at 3am, handed me a bag of cold chicken nuggets and said "lead me to the non-irish Siobhans," do YOU think you were tripping?
I ran into him drunk, barefoot, at rite aid and he said I looked "stunning." Yeah, Stunningly shitfaced haha
Ps I think male models just broke down outside or maybe gay German sex travelers
I want to have sex with Will Smith. I guess I have a thing with 90s sitcom stars. Stamos, Joey Lawrence, John Goodman.
He kept spinning my wedding ring like thanks buddy I remember
Should I put the spider I likely swallowed in my sleep into my calorie tracker?
its like probably shouldnt be sending pics of your asshole to strangers who work in the same building as you
Randomize
