What part of "waking up in the crawl space of my house with a raccoon" sounds like a good night to you?
so looking at the guys i've dated i feel my vag is a halfway house
He cant even get with danielle. Thats like striking out in t-ball
what do 4 police cars, 1 ambulence, and 2 fire truycks have in common?.... My driveway
I checked into jail on foursquare
I don't know how it happened, one minute we were talking about Huck Finn, the next minute I was blowing him behind the corner of his apartment building.
apparently the bartender would rather give me free shots than tell me that my whole nipple piercing was hanging out
The cop was more concerned with the syringes on the dash board than looking for the source of the smoke. Thank god for diabetes!
Mango bong: no go. Guava bong: sweet flaming buddha it was delicious. I shall teach you the ways of tropical fruit trees.
I slept with an Israeli and a Palestinian in the same day. It feels wrong.
You kept mumbling that you could become one with the carpet as you proceeded to give yourself the worst carpet burn I have ever seen
I made my own utility belt like Batman. It has a cup holder for my beer, cell phone holder, a little pocket for condoms, and a sewing kit just in case.
Because she seems like the type to give it up for a box of fruit rollups.
I don't care if it's 2 inches or 20 I mean dick is dick
My apologies. I'll try not to let my dick interfere with official work duties in the future.
Randomize
