I think im going to throw up on grandma
you woke up, pulled a beer bottle out of your pants..took a drink and went back to sleep.
I felt weird they were both staring at me waiting for the scoop on how your vagina felt.
It's sore actually
So I heard you only slept with me because you were drunk...is that true?
That depends on who this is.
i woke up to him dangling his cock in front of my face
I might scale it back and go as an investment banker. Which is the exact same costume as James Bond on LSD. I just introduce myself differently.
Have you ever chugged beers in the hospital parking garage with your mom?
She is the epitome of a puke & rally. She picked a random hott guy at the bar & made him pinky promise not to leave while she took a power nap. She went & passed out in her friends car & apparently puked just outside the bar. She stumbled in & found the randome guy again & claimed she was golden. Made it to the after party & stayed up til 6 doing body shots off every girl she saw & hooked up with the random from the bar. I love her life
Just had the best idea EVER: start a mead brewing/dispensery business! WE CAN BREW IT IN MY GIANT CLOSET, AND NEVER BE SOBER AGAIN.
fuck it. from now on whatever room i wake up in, i'm stealing clothes from. this walk of shame shit is too much without pants
I think I may be the only girl in the world that can say she has fallen asleep grasping a penis..... 3 different times...... 3 different penises
I still have a little drunk in my system
Every time we have sex, I feel his dick ramming my soul into submission. Problem is..... I LIKE THAT SHIT!
Well this guy just went into a detailed lecture about how rinos are developing into unicorns.. It's gonna be a good night.
The bar brought brought it upon themselves, they played billy joels piano man before closing, it's not our fault the bar isn't a bar anymore, right?
Randomize
