while we were having sex she stopped and said, "god is always watching". Then she started again with no other words said. We were fucked up.
We found him. 8 blocks away from the bars and almost at his parent's house. On the verge of tears.
i think he drugged the pie. i'll get back to you on that later.
If I were there, I'd be putting a martini in you, via funnel if need be, and you would be doing this thing.
Ed's in which sucks about a thousand cocks... But thats 1800 less than working with Alex so it's gonna be a good day
I just told him he had gained a new brother. He immediately knew I meant the eskimo kind.
I feel that it is my duty to the human race to invent a colon squeegy
I'm starting a point system. For every 2 beer runs i do for u slackers i get a free bottle of Barefoot.
And then I told him since the day he walked away to get over what I went through he lost the boyfriend right to ask why my bed is broken.
I take full pride in being the one that broke ur bed. Want to go for the sofa?
I literally just skipped to the fridge when I realized we had enough vodka left to get day drunk
I feel like I should be having more sex dreams of my boyfriend than his sister..
He's being awfully beer snobby for a guy who ordered salad
Yeah, he threw a chair and hit her in the side of the head. She started hysterically crying and then proceeded to continue kicking our ass at beerpong. The girls got talent.
Im sober enough to understand what people are saying but drunk enough to understand its hilarious
I got sriracha sauce on my mask while I was eating fast food, now wearing it makes me hungry
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