I woke up this morning and saw that I had transferred $0.75 from my savings account to my checking account.
Just saw a woman walking a golden retriever and a vacuum down the road. I miss downtown.
im pretty sure this vending machine only exists when im drunk
I just had a flashback of me saying "I'm not ready to be a deadbeat mom" lastnight.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We are probably going to have to use your boobs as currency to get this done
Why would you fall asleep? This is why i cant drink with my lesbian friends anymore. They take my clothes off and get vodka in my top ramen. Only yoouuu can prevent forest fires.
I bought an american flag today and by god im gonna fuck someone on it
I wish I saved his nudes so I could anonymously submit them to his tumblr
A dude I dated in high school just put a status about National Coming Out day. I checked his relationship status. He is dating a dude. Hello, Friday.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
and than he said 'I did amateur porn for a while' and I just knew tinder did not fail me this time
she asked me to come back to her house where "hopefully her kids were asleep". that my friend is what i call a dealbreaker
I'm going to a one year olds birthday party to smoke weed. What has my life become.
You kept ranting how Captain Planet is getting shortchanged in the superhero department. Other than that you kept it together
Twist bend and done? Jesus that sounds like a seventh grade hand job.
So drinking that old rum that I found in the ceiling of my dorm was prob not my best idea. But good news: my puke was so colorful b/c of all the skittles i ate
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