4:25 am: I want you here. Ugh.
I was looking through my facebook friends list to see how many ppl on the list i've hooked up with, and was effectively reminded of my failed friendships, relationships, fuck budy-ships, friends with benefits, and "i cant remember if i ever did shit with him but we're awkward now" ships.
Kind of a slow process. Played 9 holes with her yesterday. Wish one of them was hers
When she gives birth, I'm so playing 'Eye of the Tiger'
I don't really want to explain to you right now but i just ate laundry detergent
you are getting stockholm syndrome from your pubes
I mean its cheating, but i figure i've made out wiht married chicks before so its like a nicotine patch, quitting by doing less and less each day
i just like, need to vent to someone
Can we skip the part where I pretend to care and fast forward to the appreciative blowjob from you?
stumbled upon a picture of an owl staring me in the face. i almost offered him a bong hit.
new costume idea. paint swatches and a ball gag... I'll be 50 shades of grey.
After we finished having sex, he drunkenly tried to hugh five me, farted, then accused me of stealing his socks.
There's no sexy way to moan the name Ernest. Or Ernie. This relationship is fucked
I just drunkenly accidentally had sex with my boss
Did you at least ask for a raise?
No but I am now the owner of one of either his or his roomate's teeshirts... Maybe I can use it to negotiate?
I think my life is a one-way ticket to blackout city.
If sleeping with your boss doesnt scream job security i dont know what does.
Randomize
