Care to explain to me why theres a baby food jar filled with semen in my fridge? or why its labeled as unicorn sweat?
hes totally cute, too bad i slept with his father
she left out the fact that she had a kid until she told me not to suck on her tits too hard or milk would come out.
Dude, we took our shirts off and set our chest hair on fire. That's a low point.
You raise a valid concern
the room spins SO much faster in panama
All she said to me last night is that when her eyes roll back, to release my choke hold.
We all know tonight is going to end like every other night with you. drunk, pantless and confused. Dont try to switch things up.
When it gets to the point that I'm more comfortable being naked at his house than my own, it's time to readdress the fuckbuddyship.
Just saw a drunk guy clapping and cheering for a chipmunk climbing up a tree. Classic
New one-upper goal: I have to shit off the side of a moving train then jump off
We were coming but I found wine on my way out the door.
My mom just offered to be my designated driver tonight. I love being an adult.
I'm getting 800 nuggets from McDonald's
you were on all fours in the front yard puking, but managed to hand the pizza delivery guy a beer and to have a nice day.
I was like ahh were on two different pages, I know there's rumors of me moving to boston but I can't and I'm not adding long distance to the relationship I have with my 31 year old recently divorced ex boss
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