but it happened after you broke up with me and before we made up.
the cashier wished me a happy fathers day while i bought condoms
You layed on my kitchen floor with a pile of m&ms at your crotch, said "your lightbulb don't match, is that one new?"
I wonder if our vaginas are like "o thank god, no strangers breaking in tonight." Baahhhh sooo bad
What if I told you that I had 160 ounces of cheap malt liquor in my backpack? Espn films 40 for 40s presents: Edward 40 hands. Our room. 11PM/10 central
I agreed not to hook up with any randoms while she's on vacation, if that isn't a show of good faith then I don't know what is...
He sent me a picture of him trying to push his cock into a Gatorade bottle. I dont know if I'm impressed it didn't fit and disgusted that he sent me something so vile.
I just lit a blunt like right in front of an old man and I was like sir please shieldeth your eyes
just creeped your profile pictures and you should feel satisfied in knowing that you had great eyebrows even before people started drawing them on
then you dropped a clam in a draught beer like it was a drop shot and and started chugging as beer spewed all over your body.
WHY THE FUCK DID I HAVE TO FALL IN LOVE WITH A CONVICT
Ugh. I just found a cum stain on my mermaid pants. Now I can't return them.
And the last thing I remember was you in the bed with the german guy screaming "wrong hole" I laughed n passed out
I’m honestly just flattered that you think I could make PornHub’s Top 10.
i just woke up from a 4 hour nap, still drunk, to make mac n cheese.
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