Dude, just got a bummer.
What??
A blow job from a homeless chick.
she says it's "been amazing lately"
i think basically because i hate her so much i'm trying to break her in half
i wonder if detective benson from law and order takes those handcuffs home. i bet she does.
I think the best way to start out any day is to watch 80's music videos. It's like visual wheaties.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i purposely bought her a small sweater. My way of saying, you've gotten fat.
Man in California was arrested for killing and eating a wild bobcat while high on crystal meth. Let's please NEVER get that high on anything...
I have got to stop singing on voicemails. I just left my dad a 6 minute musical message.
It was awful. Mid hookup he started reading the titles of the books over my bed, which were about Russian imperial history. He then started asking me questions about the class I was reading the books for. I was like "WE HAVE TIME FOR THAT LATER, PLEASE CONTINUE."
I woke up to an alarm on my phone that said "Buy Plan B" and then the guy offered me a hairbrush... which seemed polite at the time
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I should send him a pic of my crotch with the caption "thanks for the memories"
What would you do if your asshole suddenly made the sound of a sheep duck baa/quacking the words kill me
You are so incredibly one of a kind, it's astounding
you literally stared at me for three minutes and then said "hey this tequila isn't gonna drink itself, boss"
NO BABIES. YOUR VAGINA WILL BLEED WITHIN A FORTNIGHT.
So you can now add nose to my list of places that cum has gone that it shouldn't...
you were shouting "me peeing on him is the closest he'll EVER get to my vagina!"
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