I miss Bob Barker.
Yeah, more like Douche Carey...
Fuck appropriateness.
Next time, if you wake and bake, make sure you nail the wake part. Not easy to explain to mum. Or the fire brigade.
I threw up under water while wearing a hockey helmet last night. Awesome.
Not hooking up w him- he has one of those L.L. Bean book bags w his initials on it
I jerked off enough times today to safely commit to the fact that im not getting laid tonight
hey. so did i get tied up by a jumprope last night?
He bought me dinner. He gave me his jacket when I was cold. And then ate me out in the passenger sear of the car.
You crawled everywhere and rolled in ice cream. No more vodka for a month.
I let a naked juice spill down my leg for like 30 minutes bc i thought i was hallucinating that my leg was cold.
The guy at the ER said it was the first time he's given stitches for a funneling accident. Then he seemed upset that I took pride in that...
Turns out he's not a Doctor Who fan, I mumbled Alons-y as I went down on him. He asked who Alan was. No more drunk sex for me!
you just won the triple crown of sex! your prize is more sex.
I'm like 89% sure I could get him to buy me a car in exchange for a half-assed handy.
I got copblocked.
What?
Cockblocked. By a cop. Copblocked.
Randomize
