you're the one who masterbates every night to the titanic soundtrack
Found her in the closet eating mayo out of the jar with a knife
Held my professor's hair back while she was puking. I'd better get an A out of this or else the pics are going on Facebook.
Sun* burn. But that sounds like wait.. Midsentence thought... It would be like swimming in a giant bowl of cereal.. Only I would be cereal. This is brilliant.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
That's the girl I met who was peeing on the driveway with me. We bonded
In honor of the internet blackout, I think everyone needs to change their Facebook pictures to ones of them being blacked out.
Time for jim to play the "dont seriously consider pooping in the trash" game
I'M ALSO PLAYING VIDEO GAMES AND THINKING ABOUT ORDERING A PJIZZA. I'M NOT SURE WHAT MY MUSTACHE WANTS.
That's not a funny feeling. That's hepatitis. You got it from that bar where everything was sticky.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You stopped making out with some rando guy to tell him you weren't sure about your sexuality then proceeded to follow me down the street to make out with me
Also, there's a guy walking around the kitchen in a shark onzie, and he just asked if we've ever smoked weed with a shark before. I'm dying
this isn't the first time i woke up with peanut butter in my butt
I've got a bottle of water, a bag of salad greens, and a bottle of hot sauce. How stoned do you think I am?
His name was Dragon. For real. How do you not sleep with a Dragon? Don't judge me.
Just realized that I bailed on you guys yesterday just so I could get wendy's. it was worth it but still, sorry
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