You know your in college when you decide house chores with games of beer pong...
she vomitted in her champagne, said "fuck it, it's new years", and continued drinking.
You're gonna judge me.
Howd you sleep with him already
I asked her why she named her vibrator Lorenzo and said it was the name she started screaming her first time.
U know when u get really drunk and u don't think anyone can see what your doing? If I'm that drunk the possibilities are endless
He was just lying in his underwear like a present. I had to unwrap it.
He's pretty cool once you ignore the fact that he's trying to get into your pants
Are you texting, crying and driving?
And missing part of my eyebrow. Correct that is the description one would give of me at the moment.
Someone broke into my car last night. Didn't take anything, even left the beer in my backseat. They need to get their priorities straight, obviously.
Make sure you wash your hands. That seagull you threw was very sick.
Did you get your nipples pierced? I felt something poking through my shirt earlier and I really didn't want to say anything in front of your grandma...
Eh, my puke tasted like lemonade, so not too bad
I tired using vodka to remove my makeup
I thought he was a lobster and that the moon was going to pull me through him.
I don't think I should try acid.
If he doesn’t slap your ass with his drumsticks, then I don’t wanna hear about it.
Randomize
