So I'll spare the details, but I think I discovered I'm lactose intolerant. In my sleep. And you'll be needing new sheets.
You did not just play the dead husband card again.
i found the one person in the world who takes longer to cum than i do... mutual dissatisfaction is probably not the best foundation for a relationship.
I love how our sober spotter means you only have to stay sober enough to type your pin in an ATM
got my wristband ripped off, was told i can only be served water. please find me, i'll be running through the fountain
Taking my infected piercing out in the parking lot of the food card place. This is one of those life defining moments that makes me sad.
Has my life seriously led me to day drinking on a Monday the third week of the semester?
It's after 5, it's not day drinking.
Everyone is speaking Spanish and this 300 hundred pound chick is talking about the time she got out of prison... Fuck this place
FYI: Brian said he left me in the bathroom Friday night to shower and 45 minutes later found me with a towel around my head, my pants on and holding my boobs. No more Jell-O shots for me.
Smoking a bowl in nothing but a flamingo thong.
I was covered in mud from my knees down, I smelt like the inside of a port-a-potty and only had mascara on one eye. . . so you know your usual Sunday brunch.
Seriously my new passion in life is the girth of his penis
I can't decide if I miss drinking or you, they are so closely connected.
Turns out your granddad is cooler than you. We're taking him on our New year's eve pub crawl instead. Sorry.
Sex was followed by homemade breadsticks. I waited till after the breadsticks were gone to tell her i had a gf.
Randomize
