I'm sad I can't be there is wknd, I'm laying on the beach and daydreaming of you / crying a bit
I'm watching a porn and daydreaming of you. Sounds like we both need Kleenex
How do I get over judging people who I would be exactly like if I had a boyfriend
Get a boyfriend
mom just said that her bf is good in bed. fml.
i am watching a movie about a vagina with teeth and then you sent that to me while im eating sushi.
I don't know why girls would even talk to someone as drunk as I was.
professor came back from spring break missing a tooth
there is beer in every square inch of this apartment and he hasn't even lived in it for 24 hours. we're playing some game that involves slamming beer, beer pong and smacking people's cups out of their hands.
I know it's pride week, but your asshole is just never supposed to taste like banana.
I was talking to a guy at my work, and mid-sentence he started vomiting violently for about five minutes, then he said, " great dope" and carried on like nothing had happened.
Waiting to interview and found a beer in my purse from last night
I woke up with my vibrator in my bed so I'm assuming I had a decent night.
Hired a new intern today and we have something in common. I blew her boyfriend in high school. Do you think she knows?
I just did a walk of shame on my own block. one of the old neighbors saw and greeted me "good morning, girl next door"
My Sexting was not on an AP level
She gave me a boner for the first time in 9 years.
That car ride home was pretty awkward. Your feeling up the girlfriend to the guy who's throwing up out the window. Thanks for that.
Randomize
