guess who was drunk and crawling in the middle of the road and got brought home by the police last night? HINT: ME
took out my tampon, fucked him, and put a new one back in all before he realized I was on my period. beat that one bitch.
This kind of poor decision making requires a real cup, not a mason jar.
i gave him a hand job with one hand and held the 40 with the other. this is like freshman year all over again.
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Please tell me you're throwing the cats into this foot of snow.
Just found a wrench in the washing machine. Sooo not doing your laundry anymore.
Are you complaining because you're getting too much sex to find the time to masturbate?
Well, when you say it like that it sounds silly.
The man who lives downstairs is fluent in Russian, and also a playboy. You should meet.
Nvm, he just almost drank his drink from last night, his drink that has the condom in it. Kinda answers my question.
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My roommate is watching gummy bears "race" from a mega-marshmallow to his lava lamp.
some kid lit a j in the bar tonight. i was in awe of both his boldness and the severe beatdown he received moments later
I am descending into that finals week rage fueled by ramen, mountain dew and bad sex is what's up.
I just spent 3 hours in the back of an unmarked police cruiser. Best. Date. Ever.
I'm drunk and kinda wanna go home but now I have to go have more sex, my boxers are in the dryer
I talked to his mom for a good 10 minutes with coke all over my nose. Not the best first impression
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