answer the phone. i thought i was eating cheese but it was butter. i ate a lot of it.
i just added your friend Valery on the FB just to comment on your tits.... thought id give you a heads up
Apparently I have a urinal in my bedroom
I just saw a dude sitting IN a bush, weeping and playing a harmonica. I hope your day is going better than his.
Europe's "the final countdown" was playing. It was pretty much amnesty for anything that might happen the rest of the night. It's a rule.
hey this is Madison. you gave me your number last night and asked me to remind you that you didn't fuck anyone. you okay?
Today's forecast: A sex tornado warning has been issued in your area. Counties affected include your bed, your shower, or your couch. This warning is in effect until further notice. Signs of a sex tornado include: your girlfriend coming up with a huge analogy to inform you that she's ungodly horny today.
I JUST WATCHED PAULA DEEN PUT BUTTER IN HER BLOODY MARY. This is not a drill. Real life.
Sarah is throwing up still and I'm eating salad with my fingers
Okay first of all, that is a sick ass nickname please call me that forever. Second, i need your help.
I'm pretty sure I went in the girls bathroom and vomited everywhere then looked for a urinal for like 20 minutes
Where you at? Come home and endure this shit show called "The Second Presidential Debate".
leads to pukin, then cryin, then 24hr masturbatin binge, then cryin again and finally a combination of all 3
You were pretty conviced that my dog was a spanish child and kept trying to read him the news from your iphone app
He’s going to a lawnmower race. I got a Brazilian and he’s racing a lawnmower race. Pick me up. I’m not wasting this waxing on John Deer
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