So that's a yes to the cocaine usage and a no to the rollerblading
I'm at a party with that guy you made out with on new years. He remembers your name!
please tell me you remember why "7 days" is written above my bed in red marker
It was like a secret agent hookup. No names, swift execution, get in- get out.
...She then said get into the spirit and started making firecracker noises while having sex
You sucked on the drag queens heel. It got that rough.
Starting the day with sex, coffee and productivity are what the founding fathers intended
I just realized it's officially fall..I had sex while watching Halloween
I know you like got hit by a car but do you want to come to my birthday pardi
He wore a t-shirt that had an arrow pointing to his crotch and "DO IT FOR THE VINE" on it.
At least he's honest about how long he'll last.
You know its an epic night when omar the garbage man gives you a ride home at 6 in the morning.
I want you
Nvm, now I want someone who replies to my booty-call texts faster
Hey do you care to explain why there are 3 empty pickle jars next to me when I woke up or do I even wanna know?
You've had it in your mouth, how have you not seen it?
I’m not saying you’re wrong, I’m just saying he’s denying what you’re saying.
Randomize
