She had a bottle of NAIR in her bathroom, but she clearly hadn't been using it.
After I made out with her she fell asleep and started pooting in her sleep. Are we sure lesbians are hot? Cause that wasn't.
those are such fre$h shoes
going to ignore the use of the word "fresh" in a sentence that isnt related to produce and/or other food stuffs and especially the part where you replaced an "s" with a dollar sign
a dead guy is trying to sell me oxy clean on my tv
No, i'm not gonna let you give me a footjob on the floor of the cheesecake factory. C'mon.
she was so "full of love" from watching twilight that she came over and gave me a handjob. when does the next movie come out?
well after we realized that his best friend and my twin sister were hooking up it was kind of an unsopken agreement that we would too
Hangover cure: shower, throw up again, sleep for 4 hours, eat salsa, brush teeth. Good to go.
i'm sorry for cheering you on when you were making out with him. i was just celebrating the fact he was decent looking for once
She's making tacos & sangria tonight. I'm sure that's how the pilgrims pregamed.
You act like I'm the first person to try and hook up with a blind chick.
There are 3 guys sitting in the elevator in lawn chairs wearing sunglasses and holding beers. the hallway rugs are stuffed in a trash can. i've never been so glad to be sober.
The last bar we left there was a sausage stand right outside and I apparently felt bad those guys were working that late, so I bought a $9 sausage, gave it to some drunk kid and said "I support local businesses!!" I'd say I've done my civic duty.
You fell asleep standing up against the shower wall
No no. Thank you. Killed multiple birds with one penis.
Randomize
