R and i have drinken 4 bottles od red wine. By ourselfs
she called me screaming that i shouldn't ignore her phone calls, because she's not trying to get me to hang out with her and she doesn't want to be my girlfriend, she just wants sex.
what did you do?
i asked her out. that's so hot.
Did you just see the Batmobile???
don't worry about the neighbors I'm like 99% sure all that snow covered a good portion of our vomit
I woke up to him eating cereal out of my viking helmet with a shot glass. No idea where he got the milk.
We went out. i got lost. dunno where they were. they slept in the car. i slept in an outdoor shower. i dont know anything else.
I now have an ENTIRE drawer of unused disposable silverware from Boston Market... and you guys said I needed to "buy" kitchen stuff
I mean, I know going to rehab probably didn't make her a lesbian, but I can always hope
Don't talk about his dick. That's mine. There's a copyright on it. Use with permission
well, I was going to forgive her anyway but not because shes my best friend and moreso because shes my drug dealer
I told him to keep his feelings in his pants because they're annoying and to just fuck me.
Im going to bed. I'm seeing 7 of everything and my world smells like gravy
She gave me what I will now dub a "hurricane sandy". Loud, wet and sloppy BJ that made me want to stay home and complain about shit on the Internet
I have decided that today will be all about indulgence and hedonism.
He's like a unicorn and I just wanna domesticate him
Randomize
