i want you now
you need to stop dating girls with the same name as your mother...or stop drinking so much...I don't want to see this
'Watching yourself cry on Photobooth' is the new 'watching yourself cry in the mirror.'
He told me i was the nicest person he's ever arrested for DUI
today i did the best job ever shaving. like my vagina is PERFECT. plus i straightened my hair for a good hour. if i don't get ass tonight, i'm killing a baby.
why is pumping your own stomach in your searches on youtube?
Dude, she literally stopped, mid fuck said "I want soup" got off my dick and make top ramen.
I poured myself a glass of chocolate chips at some point during the evening.
I don't know which part of you thought this was funny but it's fucked up to wake up in that much fluff and now we don't have a couch. Fuck you.
Sorry about all of the penis things that happened last night.
you haven't really lived until you are in a situation where your vagina is hanging out
When he pulled it out last night I asked if that was as hard as it was going to get. I think I may have offended him.
Apparently hitting a bong with your mouth half numb is hilarious but frustrating!
Did I come home in a police car last night? id come downstairs to ask you but i dont think my legs work anymore
My cat just smacked my blunt from my hand and then put her head in my hand. I don't know how to feel
You lost to your mom AND grandma in beer pong last night. pretty sure that constitutes a retirement from the sport
Randomize
