I just saw grafitti that read "Mug The Fart Eater". Really, Memphis? That's all you've got?
So apparently vaginal secretions are not covered under water damage insurance for my cell phone
Vanessa Carlton's songs would be so much better if she was pretty
You going to midnight mass? we need a dd
I either just got cockblocked or saved from a lengthy court case so I'm kinda conflicted about how my night went.
How many weeks is it acceptable until I can start bringing freshman back?
Only catch is you have to sleep in the same bed as me. But no worries, I plan on being in a random guys hotel room every night. So it's essentially yours.
We now know how the night ended in arrest according to the flip camera I did 10 handle pulls and beer bonged a 40. My life choices are getting worse and worse this is your fault.
theres a new barista at starbuck holy fuck she's hot
i want to face-plant into her vagina
The problem with Wednesday evening drinking is that no gets to my level. It's like like a one man party. But it's a goood party.
This whole having a new phone thing is like starting all over in life with a clean slate! (My old text convos are gone)
New phone new life!
why is there a shopping cart in my back seat? and a dick drawn on the side of my car?
I just started an apology with "so I'm sorry about throwing the Brita at your head last night..."
sorry for the late response. was in jail for 6 months.
The progression was banging a stripper banging an unemployed stripper banging a sexual entrepreneur quarantining with benefits totally fucking whipped. Get it right dude
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