dude facebook disabled my account because im registered under a false identity. now in order to get it back, i have to prove that it's really my name. i sent them an email and had to sign it "Cordially, Lloyd Pancakes"
They say you shouldnt they say its no good for the environment in your vagina
I was at circle k buying gas and this girl in a papa johns uniform comes up and is like " I've got a bunch of extra pizzas. Large peperoni for $5." then she went to her trunk and pulled one out. It felt like a drug deal for a fat person
Dude feel your hair right now it feels so weird like pasta
Its not christmas eve unless I give him head. I wont take no for an answer
You left your underwear on the fireplace
She is trying to turtle bite me and when I pull away she says just let it happen. Then she pulled a poptart out of nowhere
The fact that when I blacked in you were sober enough to kick me out of your roommates bed makes me question our friendship.
The other. Cat spoke to me and left. This shit is laced
The first cat might save me but they are taking out masks
If our sexual relationship was relative to the Harry Potter series, I would have claimed the Wizard's Cup at least ten times.
For the record, rock bottom is where you start crying during porn because your ex used to slap your ass like that.. Continue on with your day now.
Because the guy guy doing the drawing either wanted to bone, or wanted us to stop entering the contest. Either way, we got concert tickets so I'm cool with both scenarios.
what a fun peer-pressure-filled weekend
If you had amazing eyebrows i'd have sex with them.
I threw my back out having sex last night. I don’t know whether to high five myself for a job well done or cry because I’m old.
Randomize
