I can't disclose who, but one time I called someone, they didn't pick up, and immediately texted back 'will call later, masturbating'
I thought that was really considerate
I reminded them that I didn't puke and I cleaned yours up! So huh!
FUCK TREES I CLIMB BUOYS MOTHERFUCKER
STOP listening to that song
he just asked if i would like him to change his diet so his jizz tastes better. keeper? i think so.
He gets a blow job; I get my oil changed free of charge. And that way I only see him every 2500 miles.
Champagne is a vitamin, right?
Got in a bar fight defending Prince. Thought you ought to know. He gets his dick sucked cooking eggs for breakfast.
My chest hair is, as we speak, arching upward to embrace my neck beard. The union will be a storied one.
You'd be proud! I didn't lose my id this time... It got confiscated
its so sad we are done celebrating 21st bdays everytime one of us turned 21 everyone else got laid
For sure shouldn't do homework after beers and joints. Just cited like 3 sentences at the end with (History, 2013)
So as a result of a tragic manscaping accident I've had to shave all the hair off of my legs. The result is... not great
Sorry that I was such a monster last night. It was the drugs, I promise.
His dick has the same name as my pipe. I'm keeping him forever.
Nothing says hangover like being in the doctors office getting a tampon removed from deep inside
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