We drank from noon till 5 am, there was adderall and nice jews involved it was just crazy
can we please move this conversation out of my vagina?
I just let someone steal something bc they were so fucking weird and wouldn't leave me alone
you need to not memorize your credit card number for drunk pizza
it went kinda like vodka, childhood memories, screaming/cursing, fist fight, tears, broken shit, passing out. in that order. tis the season.
That penis you're staring at is the penis of heartbreak. Stay away. It will break your heart AND keep you away from other penises. BACK. OFF. THE PENIS.
I can't figure out how to get this beer bong in my carry on without airport security questioning me as it goes through the x-ray.
Does it count if I'm only ambidextrous while masturbating?
Bring single women, or taken women who are unhappy with their relationships, or women who are happy with their relationships but have low moral standards, or women who just like to remove clothing when drunk (relationship status is unimportant for this option)
I was standing when I hit it. I barely made it to the couch before the walls started turning into people.
I'm mumbling to people and trying not to accidentally shit my pants
Tell me not to purchase 500 ball pit balls and a kiddy pool
No
I would let Bear Grills repel down a waterfall using my dick if I could go to sleep right now.
I tried to face swap with Chuck Norris. His face was too powerful... it broke my snap chat.
Sexting my TA in lecture = awesome
Randomize
