i just puked in front of my entire floor a girl on crutches asked iof i needed help hahaaa fuck ima damn fool
so i asked him why he doesn't wanna see me anymore and he said he was questioning his sexuality. cool.
My roommate was eating ketchup out of a bowl. Get me the hell out of here.
Its the little things i like about bein home like having actual toilet paper instead of subway napkins
It's offcial there's a Bobby Light radio station on pandora.
He screamed for everyone to hide, unplugged the music, then talked to the cop. Last I saw he was high fiving him...
He's the fucking cop whisperer.
She's like the Michael Jordan of alcoholism
We had on the same team jersey so at the time it made sense to hook up.
Duh.
Its important to me that you know there is a tambourine down my pants.
The stoned girl at the dining hall just handed me a single chicken wing and insisted that she's "unable to procure more rations"
There's a homeless man outside the bar. I have a toothbrush and toothpaste in my car. I think i'm going to give them to him. And they said drinking is bad.
You're so thoughtful.
The woman in the hospital bed next to me just got diagnosed with flea bites on her vag.
Whaaaaaat? No way.
Now a discussion of pigs vs. dog as carrier.
To tired for the bar. Came home and drank wine out of the bottle. Kind of don't want to know what that says about my life.
Yeah I was convinced everyone knew I was high. Time was passing way too slowly for anyone NOT to notice.
I love when my neighbors have passionate, loud sex to remind me that I'm not getting laid
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