I created a new tequila drink. it is a mix of excitement and fear instilled in innocent people.
there hasn't been a girl guy ratio this good since a guy jumped on one of the Titanic life rafts
i always forget that thursday isnt the weekend in the real world
Does he know anything about your personal life besides what you look like without clothes on?
I can't be the first person ever who had to explain why her bottle of orange juice had a picture of a screwdriver drawn on it
I decided to buy a keg of Miller Lite instead of paying the electric bill. Just thought I'd give you a heads up...
i'm getting the "you hooked up with my friends" speech from him. i'm returning with the "gotta keep my quota up" speech
I'm not embarrassed about the lap dance. I'm embarrassed for the singing during.
I don't care if he's straight, his cock will be in my mouth by midnight. Like a closeted Cinderella.
I was short on money so I let my roommate mase me for $60
I'm bored enough im considering taking up his offer to turn me straight just to kill time until the lasagna is out of the oven
I sent him a tex saying, "I thought my intentions were clear" drunk me has some balls.
Hi,\n\nYou left your underwear in my Uber. Thanks and bye.
you missed a good time last night.
you texted me at 10 telling me to come fuck you, that says enough.
the person she was housesitting for had a christmas card from charlie sheen on the fridge so we fucked on the couch and just slept in the bed
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