so I was just driving high and I stopped to let a pinecone cross the road because I thought it was a hedgehog.
the girl I was having sex with just mumbled victory for msu during sex. i love basketball season
He looked at me like he has never had a girl throw up on him before.
while cleaning my room, i've found many wonderful things. one of these is the card you gave me for my eighteenth birthday. it's a christmas card that says "i want to stick it in your sponger"
i literally paused in the middle of it, turned on my light, pointed to the picture netxt to my bed and go "you hooked up with my roommate too!!! AWWW!" he was so weirded out. i don't think he understands the relationship we have..we share..
I NEVER left your party last night of anyone asks.
Yeah, I didn't wake up handcuffed to my bed either.
to whom it may concern. if i am dead in colleens bed it is not her fault i slept in my scarf. my dads middle name is ronald.
i shit in a pringles can and hid it somewhere in your house....happy hunting
The only pictures I have are of me being stoned or me looking like a man, which do you prefer?
I said "one day" and that day is not today
how do i say "cradle the balls" in Italian
Your vagina is awesome, like it needs to teach a class for other vaginas
woke up with a tree in my apartment. also the everclear bottle is suspiciously low
suspiciously? i think one of those explains the other
He had a tattoo of a crown above his penis. He was AMAZING! It was well deserved. LONG LIVE THE KING!
And it only took a fake engagement ring, a condom and a bowl of weed
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