is it bad that the economy has gotten so bad that finding cheap gas gives me the same excitement and joy as finding a hot, blonde haired, blue eyed, tall, athletic single straight guy?
two gay guys came in and bought just a kite and a box of wine. Why cant I have saturday nights that awesome
Nothing like all your friends getting engaged to remind you how much fun sleeping around is.
She. Own s my pussycat. Roxk it like. The sun hitting the horizon
Sorry about sucking tonight. Drunk truck fucking is apparently not my strong point.
Please tell me that chemistry equipment is for chemistry and not for producing felonies.
You went through my pantry and left one of everything in the box. One cracker. One cheesit. One piece of cereal. I really fucking hate you.
i dont get why youre mad at me. i promised you he looked like jim morrison and you failed to ask me like which era
I'm pretty sure I made out with a guy in a man thong.
Wikipedia just saved you three hours and $30 on a bar tab. You should donate.
$5. Donated.
It's just great that Easter is on 4/20 this year. Now everyone can enjoy the Easter egg hunts. And being around my whole family.
I'm supposed to be at work in 10 min, I just woke up and am 45 min away...tinder for the win
I serenaded the cat in the hat for a few 90s songs but idk who he is
I have booze and I wanna give you a bj. How can you be mad at me?
Hard not to be concerned when you call me, tell me you've discovered the secret to flying, vomit, then hang up the phone. So yes, I'm coming to pick you up.
Randomize
