i just went to use the bathroom this morning and I couldn't because there was someone puking in every stall. i'm going to miss the dorms this summer
Taking shots out of pine wood derby trophiesssssss. best idea ever.
Tried to eat a chip. Mouth wouldn't cooperate. Nearly died. Wow I've missed this.
You emptied out your taco and asked the lady for a refill...and then you continued to carry out a full conversation SCREAMING
Apparently it is impossible to get kicked out of taco bell....I'll try harder next time
Putting a positive pregnancy test next to my condoms in my drawer so I remember why I always need to use condoms
I just used my AAA membership to fix a strippers flat tire in return for a lapdance...does that make me a bad person?
Had sex with him again...yikes. and the whole time he kept saying "i wish we could do this forever." Forever lasted about 45 seconds
I had another sex dream about you but it was very dissatisfying. As you finished you starting singing the star spangled banner. then you left. I was not amused.
I just wanna say I did some math and I lasted 1,052,000 more minutes than you at the bar before I got kicked out. That's 729 days. Bitch
I know we said we never would. But try fucking a fat guy. He put in so much more effort and then made me waffles.
Well my grandma put the turkey in the oven for 4 hours and didn't have the oven on.
That Kevin guy is something else...His penis is fucking glorious. And he has a way with words. If he lived here I'd be the conductor of the fuck caboose. I mean literally I would never want to get off that thing.
Don't be alarmed when we finally get naked and I let out a WOOHOO!!!
I'm setting goals and achieving them. I'd say I'm quite mature for my age.
You're goal was to fuck him and you don't even remember it.
I mean, I was expecting a little more coke snorting and a little less kids and cake
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