I am not drunk. I will recite the pledge.
I don't want you to recite the pledge!
Pledge alligien to america to united states of america
watchout when you come home, dougs at the top of the stairs naked eating doritos
shes perfect for him. shes never seen a penis so she has nothing to compare his to.
Just threw up in my seat during the national anthem. Probably not good.
I somehow ended up with a bottle of red wine in one hand and white in the other and would drink them at the same time. Ruined
got blackout drunk at the conference and wandered around Minneapolis with a homeless person until one of the other interns found me...I think I'm ready for adulthood.
I can't ever date him again. Whenever I see his face I just remember helplessly pissing myself in my car.
I'm not sure what is worse, the fact that Hoffman doesn't sell vodka before 9am or that I was trying to buy vodka at 8:30am.
I'm considering offering a class on how to find good porn.
Whatever. I just want to indulge in this mcchicken and forget all about his tiny penis.
I started my period on international women's day. It's like the world is congratulating me and punishing me for being a woman at the same time
i just saw a man in the grocery, sitting on the floor, eating out of a galon sized tub of macaroni salad. We need to get on his level.
I am eating a fluff-a-nutter sandwich at the gym right now. I brought vodka too.
I'd give my right arm to start my period. My right arm. Thats more significant then my left.
Hammered...8am...why is there chickens in the living room?
Randomize
