I figured girls wouldn't be down to sleep w/ a guy who plugged a pregnant chick
we're taking shots every time my dog licks his penis. we're on number 8 now.
you should have been aborted.
Taking jello shots out of a big bowl from a measuring spoon. holla atcha boy.
I need a $60 an hour job, because I have a $50 an hour drinking habit.
I feel like I'm taking part in a surprise porno. At least my hair looked good.
I have bruises all over from falling so much last night, I even have bruises on my arms from them picking me up off the street.. Oh vodka nights.
Ew. After that you just pretty much proved that your vagina is the reason why my vagina needs two toilet seat covers when peeing in public restrooms
HI MARY. THERE IS A RAINBOW AT OUR APARTMENT
Well. No wine. And no real mixers. I'm using vodka and grape juice and calling it Slurrrlot. Happy Holidays bitch.
Just remember that I named his dick Robo-cock before he got into the sheriff's department.
I solemnly swear I will not get your boyfriend puke in public drunk again
Some male strippers are here, I threw pancakes at them. It's ok
Nothing says responsible like taking your birth control with an open bottle of wine you left on your night stand from the night before
Pretty sure I got pink eye from the strip club. There is also still beer cans rattling around in my shower.
R.I.P my virginity. TOD 12:37pm
Randomize
