Party's warming up, a tranny just got here...
its like his balls were made of silver and he was trying to polish the tarnish off
"tonights gonna be a goodnight" was blasting at the club while i was screaming "NO ITS NOT" and crying. How do you think it went?
So apparently last night I was running around columbus circle station screaming that Obama was a pussy and that "waterboarding should always be an option" lol
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I just found a beer bottle in my xmas tree while disassembling it. God, I'm going to miss the holidays.
The fact that its 10am on a gameday and I have yet to shotgun is absurd
i think every time you texted me i responded with 'bathroom floor'
I woke up in bed alone w 2 bite marks on my boob... Salt and pepper shakers In my purse along w a bottle of steak sauce.... The drunkasauraus has struck again
Another day, another engagement, another cat
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at crossfit today a guy shit his pants while deadlifting 405 lbs. coach made fun of him then congratulated him on his new personal record.
I am thinking about buying a decorative chest for all our sex stuff....
Waffles and pussy, what else is there?
Nxt time we drink that much, we'll have to hide the crayons. Crayola-ing a mural on the living room wall wasnt the brightest idea, but it sure is classy. Right?
You yelled at me about a fork.
You probably deserved it, I'm very territorial about my cutlery.
i love how you, my friend, sends me a picture of herself wearing a shirt that says "i am dead inside" and i'm just like "awww baby you're so cute"
that's just solidarity
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