Dude, I would hit that so hard that whoever could pull me out would become the king of England
I put my bosses number in my phone as "Do not call," I shouldve known my drunk curiosity would overcome any desire I had to keep my job.
again?
Her parties are sponsored by Valtrex. This might not be your best idea.
He is in the front yard trying to catch birds out of the air with a fishing net.
i can't sleep with him. he has a scrapbook from the girl he lost his virginity to.
Do you think a former stripper/heroin addict constitutes as a high risk sexual partner?
Woke up in an unfamiliar pair of underwear, running shoes but no socks, and a cowboy hat. Thank you crown royal
I transported a midget tonight. He got beat up by another, midgetier midget. Is it bad that this is what makes me feel compassion after 15 years of being a paramedic?
Midgetier?
Smaller, yet meaner.
Remind me to tell you a really funny story about me and arson.
I've figured out why I love winter sex. Because I make them leave the beanie on, and we all know I love a man in a beanie.
You called me to pick you up from the bar at 9:00. When we drove over the speed bumps you put your hands in the air and pretended you were on a roller coaster.
As a heterosexual male nursing student, the odds are ever in my favor. My first semester has basically been The Horny Games. I've killed almost all of the competitors at this point.
I'll only sleep there if we can bone on your balcony.
We're making a scrapbook of dick pics, you want in or what?
I don’t know what language he speaks but I know my boobs will translate just fine
I’m looking forward to few days of international relations
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