I fell asleep on the toilet again last night...
this guy just used the pickup line "God must have spent a little more time on you" I recognized the nsync lyric immediately.
Just saw a guy at the gas station legitimately dressed in exactly what my costume was last night. Fuck his life.
i just sold a bong and some oregano to fifth graders for sixty dollars. doing something tonight?
i just burped and it tasted like condom. please tell me i wasn't lame and made that guy wear one for a bj last night.
If you know any fat girls who would pay me for sex, I am low on money and morals right now
I cnant read. Cheetos goen. Help. Grt Cheetos.
Haha keeping the dream alive until Chinese New Year. I'm jobless with stitches in my face.
btw, whatever u do, dont try and take that towel away from her..i tried, it got ugly..she said some things im sure she regrets.
I felt kinda awkward walking into his house in nothing but lingerie and my dead grandmas overcoat
We took vodka shots. You kept saying it was the key to your heart.
Alright I'd bang a 4 sober, It's been like 3-4 weeks or how ever long 4th of July was ago. I wanna fuck something.
4th of July was 12 days ago. The date is literally in the text you just sent.
I don't care about the dates I just wanna bone something.
woke up with 4 bruises, 2 hickies and a bad case of rug burn. texans are dangerous.
He literally shouted this Viking war cry when he cam. Then as we laid there he sang me the most beautiful rendition of " When Irish Eyes are Smiling". I've never been more confused.
Our son just found our secret Sex Dungeon that is no longer hidden in our basement. He brought his Xbox and the TV down there he is currently sitting in the sex swing playing video games. What do I do?
Randomize
