There is a strange man mowing my lawn. Best day ever.
he's dressed up as spiderman, i don't understand why he's crying.
Friday was tragic. I was naked on top of him and he didn't have a condom. Oh and he had an Obama poster on the wall in front of his bed so our president was staring down at me while I was naked. I felt sorta bad.
You should've just screamed yes we can!
He soundtracked our prebreakup sex, our breakup, and out postbreakup sex. At least he's dedicated.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Apparently I confessed my love for him last night. Also, my love for cash4gold commercials.
Before you become official, we should get a hotel room and fuck our brains out. Sort of like a going away party for your penis.
Just thought i'd let you guys know that my dad was roofied at a lesbian bar last night...
oh you know, the usual stuff. getting kicked out of bars and sleeping in cars.
I CAN FEEL MY HEART BEATING MY WHOLE BODY
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I woke up with a dick pic from the ex-Mormon via email. Not really what I wanted to see before my first cup of coffee this morning, but I gotta say, I'm impressed.
The amount of effort it's taking me to not shit my pants this morning is probably a sign to slow down the drinking
I spent three hours in the ER last night to figure out that my friend just had to take a shit
Just found a handle of Tito's in my TV stand
Can't recall when I put that there, but let's goooo
My parents left me the house for the weekend...you know what that means?!
Harry Potter marathon and no pants.
The smell of pee and coconut conditioner still makes me think of him
Randomize