If that ambulance is off to save our dignity, please tell them it's too late...
Umm went to talk to a client ended up seeing his semi erect penis. This is my life.
I saw your purple underwear in the road this morning.
im pretty sure you tried to fart so bad you accidently pissed your pants at my party.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i almost got kicked out of the rave because i was trying to get in on some couple's makeout sessions
Some creeps at the festival started talking to me, so I told them I was going change my tampon. Worked like a charm.
Is it penis luge time yet?
Showed up 2 hours late and still drunk nobody gave me a high five. This intership is bullshit.
I'm ready to take a few years of my life this weekend
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Basically I don't wanna put on pants...but I'm stoked for drinking my face off tomorrow.
We were walking home from Pluckers (read carrying your drunk ass) and out of nowhere you yelled "Say bitch you got a Facebook?" at a random chick walking by.
I need to stop acting like a drunk bitch. People are going to get the right idea about me...
Sally, Your mom and my mom hooked up in college, we must uphold this tradition.
My drug dealer bought me a book for Christmas. What a gentleman.
one week and then i'm back on the sexual grind. a party is being planned in my vagina's honor
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