he just found out his girl is having a boy. he's probably googling "Ed Hardy diapers" as we speak.
nah, its part of my diet to keep track of the servings of everything i put into my body
how many servings is brandon's dick?
I got it! After our exam we take shots for every question we skipped!!!
I don't wanna die...
Church boner. Awkwardddd
I just washed champagne and tuna off my body. I feel like that was a successful shower.
I think I'm on the verge of a really slutty period in my life
she passed out facedown in my lap while I was playing piano. 11 years of piano lessons finally paid for themselves.
hungover at the ER to get half my contact removed from behind my eye. Not the start to the weekend I was hopin for
There's no point in calling it Big Titties Tuesday if girls with big tits don't get anything special
I still think the kiddie pool full of jello option is worth exploring. Just sayin'.
I wanted sex but got Ace Ventura: Pet Detective, instead. Then I had to drive 30 minutes home wet. Worst booty call, ever.
I'm running on two hours of sleep, a shot of vodka, and half of a granola bar. I can't be held responsible for what I do.
He threw a twenty at the stripper and asked for change
well did he get it
....yes
I got a 5/5 with my "I don't want a baby" rant essay. She said my use of the word "leeches" was a powerful metaphor :)
He was so energetic. It was like screwing a bunny.
Randomize
