i say over christmas we have a beer pong competition with the cousins and see who really has the best genes in the family.
i had a headache and asked the kid next to me for aspirin. he gave me esctacy instead. gotta love college.
I mean I woke up wearing my bathing suit which blows my mind
What the fuck am I going to do with a pinata full of tampons?
I just canoed to the bar. I am a skilled drunk paddler.
Should have told me the night we were talking about deal breakers that vomming outside your car was one of them. I would have taken a cab back
She came to the party with six kegs and a life sized portrait of Lavar Burton. SHE WILL BE MY WIFE.
Remind me tomorrow that I was taking shots of burnetts in the subway line while placing my order
I'm giving great sideboob & it's being wasted on my parents.
Just sent my cousin to buy me a new bra cause mine is zip tied to a bar in the middle of nowhere Iowa
If you get that boat I will recruit some boat hoes for you and tape a video and sync it to I'm On A Boat. This is happening.
Sorry that I got drunk and refused to let you buy me pizza. I'm a monster and I understand if you hate me forever
Im covered in coffee vomit and urine and none of which are mine
For some reason she gave me a handjob. It was all very confusing
Your mom has reinvented the use of a ping pong ball.
Randomize
