i never knew gatorade would taste just as good on the way back up
Googled "can you put dry ice in your drink?" I'm safee
It's chlamydia! Thank God!
He's engaged. If the world's smallest penis can find true love than I can too.
So you have no knowledge as to why I am hearing loud repetitive mooing from next door?
I can count the number of hours she's been sober this weekend on one hand.
Sorry for feeding you peanuts last night while you were sleeping, you looked hungry.
We were running down las vegas boulevard at 8:30 am with our beers cause we were late for our flight
She told me she gets scared easily and that I had to protect her. Then I made a condom joke that ended up making her cry... All bad dude
who is that guy in your bed? he looks like jesus..way to keep it festive
it was one of those unspoken contracts of silence like "I teach your daughter and you work at a strip club"...I don't tell if you don't
Decided to stop by the store on my walk of shame. I must really look like shit, a six year old girl just walked up to me and said "my mommy wanted me to tell you Jesus loves you." Thanks kid.
Omg in one week, two guys with their own names tattooed on their bodies had their tongues in my mouth. Self loathing shall commence now.
Last night I drank three beers and threw up in a tree house. I am ashamed.
Found someone cuddling with my Uggs this morning. Guess the hundred pillows laying next to him weren't good enough.
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