The girl next to me in class is taking notes on woman's suffrage with a girls gone wild pen.
Do you know how hard it is to masturbate with a runny nose?
I honestly get shocked all over again every time I pull his pants down. It's one of those feelings you never get tired of.
So apparently after he gets hammered, falls down a set of stairs and gets a concussion, he can still come home and find a way to play his guitar solo bullshit as loud as possible while i seduce my date...
Do I need to take a photo of my sister's enlarged and disgustingly dark nipples to scare you into protection? DO I?
Mom brought home a 36 pack of Smirnoff and was all "ring any bells?" and then winked. I'm scared. What does she know?
when I said energy drinks I meant cocaine
Sorry about all of the penis things that happened last night.
I'm still drunk. I put on workout clothes this morning and just puked in my bathroom. That's the same as going to the gym, right?
I've started budgeting for next year. It looks like I'll be crying tears of dollar bills and handing them over to pay back my unholy college debt.
If the guys trying to booty call text me could see me right now in some raggedy pajamas with toothpaste down the front of my shirt eating pepperoni out of the package they might change their minds
No, Ethan, handcuffs and friendship bracelets are not "basically" the same thing.
I put the child locks on after I put you in the car and you then screamed, "I am a Phoenix, you can't restrain me. I NEED TO FLY!"
If I say I hate myself for it does it make it any better?
Fucker was flying a Bruins flag. He can pick up the dog's poop himself.
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