ran into someone who graduated hs with us while i was paying for booze in quarters. i love it when people from my past catch me in my classier moments.
we need a dd. For wednesday. At lunch. What are we doing with our lives?
succeeding
we just saw you getting yelled at by the cops for trying to 'hijack' a street sweeper...how have you not been arrested yet?
this is a time for prayers...seriously
let us hold hands and pray.. sweet baby jesus please bring us some sweet sweet man loving this homecoming weekend to aid our lonely vaginas it has been a long couple of weeks amen.
I puked all over his apartment, then slept with the skinniest girl here. Which isn't saying much in Ohio.
Sorry for eating those cheese fries out of your hands last night
For future reference, Twizzlers CAN leave welts.
At the ER. John needs stiches. Fuck pub trivia nights.
I DID NOT GO INTO HOURS OF STRENUOUS LABOR FOR YOU TO LOOK LIKE A DOMINATRIX BARMAID ON A WEEKDAY. AT LEAST SAVE IT FOR THE WEEKEND GDI.
I wish I could open myself up and check on my liver. Make sure it's hanging on. Ya know?
And he kept lifting up his shirt every few minutes to check if his nipples were still there
I had a dream I hooked up with Post Malone. I can still smell the dream
I'll be naked. By 11. Then arrested. Drunk tank adventures
Do you remember trying to eat the shower curtain last night...?
I guess we coulda said a little less mature audience and a little more e for everyone.
Randomize
