I can't belive they dont sell booze Sunday mornings. I mean some of us have to work
I woke up to her vacumming the grass
Im trying to find an appropriate gift to your mom for getting both you and your sister on birth control within a week, any suggestions?
worst part about day drinking... waking up to george lopez
I feel like death gave me a hand job
Dramatic love triangle! I guess mystery Asian and I will just have to fight it out for your love.
I heard you were drinking whiskey straight from the bottle last night.
Actually I was drinking whiskey straight from 3 bottles, but that is neither here nor there.
I had so much stripper lotion and body glitter on my glasses I had a hard time driving home.
Step 1: chug a red bull vodka with no ice Step 2: chase that with a shot of wild turkey Step 3: chase that with a shot of tequila
Step 4: your drunk
The fact that me being able to walk down stairs is an accomplishment in my books pretty much explains how I am
I just lifted up my shirt to scratch my stomach n a Dorito flew out of my pullover n it legit scared me when it hit me.
I rode home in a shopping cart so there's that. MVP to the guy that pushed it.
You know its a good morning when you wake up with blonde hair extensions in your pocket. . .
you said, "I wonder what your mum is doing right now." in the middle of sex, of course I threw up on you.
I woke up under a house in Key West
Randomize
