I wish there was an iPhone app to help you with your shitty personality.
Dude, this chick just tossed my salad hard. All that I could picture was a dog trying to get the last of the peanut butter out of the jar of Jiff and trying not to think of how grotesque my last dump was.
Then she tried to kiss me and I wouldn't and she got pissed off and went to sleep. Then about an hour later, her kid called her. She went home and on the way out I told her to wash her mouth before she kissed her kid good night. Weird night..
It was so romantic--he turned me around to face the sunset during doggy-style over the couch back.
You text me last night that you invented a new food. Cheese-less grilled cheese. Congrats, you made toast.
I hope whoever gets these locks of love doesn't have a drug test anytime soon
she would only give me a road handjob because she didnt want to unbuckle
safety first
She threw up on me during morning sex and now Im pretty sure I just saw a woman die at 7-eleven. This is way too much for a Monday morning
all i remember is that her bootyshorts said 'shameless' and that there was no turning back.
She was surprised when she saw all our living room furniture was made from old kegs. It's like she's never met us before...
She's the one that asked you what my favorite color was & handed you a piece of bacon
Kriste-san. Brian-sensai going to sleepy times acturry. Kriste-grasshopper will spend fun-fun times with Brian-sensai and glorious redbox movie tomorrow yes?
Most creative movie date proposition... ever.
Plan B, arranged marriage to a rich Indian, is rapidly becoming Plan A. Fuck Finals.
Exactly best part of my night he took of his shirt and surprise traveler fanny pack
Just don’t be like me and break up between Christmas and NYE and then get blackout on NYE and puke in your undies.
Is it just me or is it like a girl gets married and all of a sudden she’s a “blogger”?
Randomize
