The guy next to me is watching porn. EVERYTIME I COME TO THE LIBRARY SOME RANDOM GUY NEXT TO ME LOOKS AT PORN.
you better believe me or I'll punch you in the face
She ordered a salad and a budweiser. I love her.
i love waking up at 5am with an imprint of a toilet seat on my chest
And there I was, sitting Indian style on the kitchen floor, my fingers covered in peanut butter.
My god. We'll be gay porn millionaires.
Who ate shrimp cocktail in my bathroom last night?
You were stoned out of your mind. We were eating cold cuts and you wouldn't shut up about how it was the wettest meat you'd ever felt in your life.
I swear I can feel something in my uterus. Like, I can feel his sperm searching for an egg. Wtf...
Code 10 We gotta leave. Now. I took a dump in the upstairs toilet and its clogged and overflowing, and believe me I don't want to have to explain myself to this frat on parents weekend.
How does a face ride mean we're back together?
I really have to stop going to the movies high. Spending $10 to not know what the fuck is going on is starting to get pricey.
I'll meet you in hell with unlimited boxes of wine though
I didn't really understand how big 10 inches is. Now I know.
But once you are just right and I work my tongue in the right spots and hot wax your balls and inner thighs. I will have you right where I want you.
Who is this?
Oops wrong number
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