I'm at some bar in brklyn... just made out with a guy named Owen.
He is a pre-school teacher... just sang me a song about weather.
My kitchen smells like failed pina coladas.
You're the end to all my bad dreams.
Did you have that reoccuring dream about me banging your mom again?
coke and sex party at dan's
im watching greys anatomy with megan...
wha-pishhh
September 16th, captains log. I awoke in a daze, not sure of my location
Jail wasn't bad. Was poppin Xanax the whole way there
Just saw a 300lb woman fall down. Shes screaming like a beached manatee. Her 120lb boyfriend is trying to push her up. It's like watching an infant try to bench
Yes I slept with him, he was the only one not wearing a costume. Guys with costumes are just trying to impress you.
Also I just had a flash back ... He told me I have nice nipples and then asked me about yours..
He did leave his bud tall boy and 2 choco tacos, so not a total loss.
I bet yours is gonna be filled with secret innuendo.
secret innuendo and cervical punches to the world.
Im so glad I make morally wrong decisions. It's like the best worst thing I've ever done.
when I called the strip club they said there was a note with my credit card. "girl who punched guy in throat" fuck daytona
I’m home.
I’m aware. I just dropped you off.
I've never been so excited to be bleeding from my vagina.
Randomize
