we're getting ready to take strippers to breakfast. I love my life.
2 nights ago she wants to see other people, tonight she wants to have a threesome. The GOOD kind of threesome. So... win?
I just puked in the mop bucket at work. I think I need to go home.
dude, I just walked in on your little brother changing clothes...I'm ashamed to say I noticed, but that kid has as MASSIVE cock...
Yeah...we all know. it's the elephant in the room at family gatherings.
that is a frighteningly accurate metaphor for it.
So the chick throws up over the rail from the 15th floor at the sky bar and I knew I would take her back to my hotel.
I taped a pair of scissors and a coupon for a waxing on the door. He gets to choose.
I just remember dedicating a shot to me giving you head so it was obviously a good night
I just screamed IM THE CHUPACABRA and jumped on his dick. I need to evaluate my life choices.
She said "I feel like I haven't reached my full potential" and I couldn't figure if she meant in life or with the weed..
What is the proper Father's Day protocol when you're sleeping with a guy who has kids?
Pregnancy has ruined porn for me. I can't watch a hot chick get it on without being jealous of her perfectly waxed shit. I can't even see my shit.
Why is there a whip in the kitchen?
Dude it's 6 am and you just invited me to a hotel with a shit ton of coke. Best morning ever
Having random cyber sex while watching to catch a predator just seems wrong.
You just sent a mass text asking if anyone ever drank the blood of a goat in the glorious name of Satan...after that we confiscated any writing utensil
Randomize
