I woke up to 30 angry texts and her Chihuahua in my room. Can you drop him off for me?
Dude, everyone in your family has slept with that girl. Her vagina is like the Hindu version of a Bar Mitzvah.
apparently i'm really good at getting wasted, having sex all night, getting multiple hickeys and oversleeping father's day brunch. this is the third year its happened.
Woke up this morning to my mom on the phone with my dad saying, "It's probably just your prostate." Reasons to move out. Go.
well the first picture of me in 2011 involves a viking helmet and chugging champagne. i like this year already.
Worst bachelorette party. She got smashed and cried because she thinks she might have herpes from when she cheated on him. Not looking good for them.
I keep hearing lesbian porn and I'm the only one home. I don't think this is healthy
He has to watch his girlfriends kitten. Even when she is in Vegas, her pussy keeps him from getting into mine.
Nobody is stopping the marines from drinking in class on veterans day. They literally brought a cooler with a bottle of whiskey and vodka on ice. And are passing out red cups to anyone interested. Staying in Vegas for college has officialy become an A+ decision
Dude. I realize why I got sick. 8 shots three beers in an hour. Plus I ate an expired lunchable earlier.
I just fell off a roof. So I'm kinda chillin for a minute.
He yelled "Go Ducks" while he came
Is eating a dinner of fishsticks and gin mean you're failing at adulthood? I'm asking for a friend.
is it bad that I see hot guys I wanna sleep with as challenges instead of actual people?
yes. but it works for you
Just saw a car towing a guy on skis drive by so that’s how Syracuse is doing today.
Randomize
