tonights recap: old cokehead freind proposed in the middle of a country bar to his trash girlfriend, saw ex-fuck who now has star shaved into his head and another with his gf, and ex-bfs best friends crackin jokes about who would fuck me first. NEVER COMING HOME AGAIN
So I just googled the ten commandments... Were fucked.
he had two deer mounted on his dorm room wall with panties and bras hanging from the antlers... i cant believe i contributed to bambi's headgear...
She checked into foursquare right as she left work so he would think she was there late and not on some other guy's dick
I have to say for barely passing high school, that girl is a genius.
double majoring has taught me only that psych majors are sluttier than govt majors
I'm questioning the dried chocolate syrup on my tits.
Oh wait looks like my cousin is getting deported THERE'S HOPE FOR THIS CHRISTMAS YET
So this whole chlamydia situation totally puts a damper on my back to school sex schedule, there's just no way of knowing who of them was the perpetrator... Time for new candidates
Well, somebody (me) put on reindeer antlers, crawled around on the floor, and meowed at people... So yeah, I'd say it was "one of those nights"
Dude are you wearing a trashbag right now?....
I seemed to have misplaced my pants...
Not genetic. He's drunk and texted me a dick pic. Not genetic. Thank God!
literally just tried sending to someone a video of me jerkin but my phone was connected to Apple TV and it literally just played on the tv in a full room and I'm actually about to shit myself
It's not as funny as it sounds. I shit myself at the company Christmas party.
Really need a jack off emoji
Who do we write to about that?
She pregamed while taking a shower. Came out clean and drunk.
Randomize
