That's what you get when you play shuffleboard drunk.
Some girl just toasted to friendship and love. I want to break her neck.
If everyone lived like me, we would need 5.9 earths. Fuck yes america.
Pretty girls always come out on top. Or bottom. Whatever. Point is we come out with their boyfriends.
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I got a black eye last night. This guy said for every 35 pounds you lose you gain an inch to your dick. I asked him how long he has been peeing sitting down.
somehow I got talked into dressing up like a hot dog, spinning around ten times, and shooting lay ups in front of thousands of students
I don't even have to turn the heat on in my car. Just fart the whole way home.
She can't really be mad at me. I made you two sisters... Dick sisters.
Dude, just look at these fucking curtains and chill out.
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Besides. I don't even really like sex because it feels great. I like it because for thirty minutes I own that guys ass.
it wasn't a total waste of time; I mean how often do you get to play scotch pong?
.....fair enough
She just sent me a message. It's a poem, about eternal love, that she wrote, about us. Just because I took her home two nights - doesn't mean it's eternal love.
There is maybe 10 hours out of any given day we aren't sober.
was i wearing any clothes at that point?
socks and a thong
I just remembered that I insisted everyone watch porn together last night.
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