life lesson# 3: saying thank you on a subway really means "im not a native new yorker, so please feel free to touch my ass"
hmm. interesting. explain how you came across this knowledge.
i sneezed. he said bless you. i said thank you. he groped. i again said thank you.
Graduating is kinda bittersweet. Now I'm gonna have to find another excuse to day-drink and sleep until 3pm besides "I'm in college."
Your 'drink of the future' makes sense now- you feel it for atleast 10 hours into the future
Just saw a 300lb woman fall down. Shes screaming like a beached manatee. Her 120lb boyfriend is trying to push her up. It's like watching an infant try to bench
She called him at 5 AM so that he'd be ready for her birthday breakfast and drinks at 6. This is why people don't need to wait until their 21st to have their first drink.
It's like an R Kelly music video in here. Only a matter of time before someone pisses on someone
either I'm really high or that last bong rip tasted like christmas
I woke up with a twisted ankle and was covered in lube. Not entirely sure what happened last night
Do you think this 2 hour Amazon delivery thing works on vibrators? Cause that would be clutch
Seriously, you just banged the guy that wishes his dog happy birthday on fb. That's fucking adorable!
We were so amazed while watching mission impossible ghost protocol last night we didn't even have sex
Sorry, I didn't know he was with you. The ongoing collapse of Trump has me horny as hell.
I was told I was gorgeous and a whore by the drag queens. My night is complete.
You're a brave, albeit stupid soul for wanting in on the fuckery that comes attached to my vagina
Reverse road head. Sa-witch!!!
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