on the way home the dog started throwing up her bone in the car..so naturally i started to puke too
i dont care about people's attitudes as long as they give me head
I think I might.. possibly.. like a Justin Bieber song.
I think you might... possibly... have sprouted a vagina.
I don't remember which guy I met at the bar is coming to pick me up. It will be like my birthday surprise.
He passed out on the patio with nothing on but his boxers. So we put our beer caps on him. Yeah he woke up with a polka dot sunburn.
Even though I wasn't drunk last night, I peed in the sink just so I could keep my record going
Did someone do a keg stand in my bathtub?
My brother just woke up to see me on te couch dipping hamburger buns into pizza sauce. I'm beginning to question the life choices that led to this moment.
Last I saw him was around 10 this morning. He was passed out on the porch with his head under the barbeque cover and there were cups of orange juice around him as well as loose tobacco spread everywhere. Good luck getting a hold of him.
i'm only riding in the trunk because they put the case of beer back here..
I got to explain to the guys at work today how i had no choice but to go to a gay bar because I was handcuffed to a lesbian.
Taking a shit on the side of the road is not how I imagined this morning would start.
You had sex with a mute, how is that not funny
Yeah probably not. I have a hair appt, a gun class, and hopefully a boy to fuck. I'm booked.
I walked in..crop dusted the whole place then asked her if she wanted to go to a place that smells better.
You were always a thinker
Randomize
