they ran out of cups so I just drank out of a cowbell.
No, don't worry. We're not going to get THAT arrested.
i'm getting the "you hooked up with my friends" speech from him. i'm returning with the "gotta keep my quota up" speech
they pretty much knew i was there to get drunk and fuck their daughter
What an age we live in that I can try to pick up a guy by using my phone while I'm taking a shit at work.
If my sophomore year were to be made into a novel, it would be titled "dances with salvia"
However today I got my lube that might I add was dripping out of the box. I'd like to think my mailman was mixing business with pleasure.
you stuck pieces of bread to your face with peanut butter and asked if it looked like you had a facial yeast infection.
ohhhh that's why they asked me to leave...
Whore are you.
Is that a Yoda insult or are you asking me where I am?
Yes.
17. The number of times my one night stand told me he loved me.
If I die write a nice eulogy and bury me with my star wars bobbleheads
He fucked me on the hood of my car outside his work, and now I'm paranoid that the doggie day care next door might have security cameras.
i'm sitting in bed scratching my boobs and wearing a sparkly fedora and have no one to blame but myself
Taking a shot every time the Russian in COD says vodka... BEST drinking game ever.
I'm going to be there later than expected. There was a yo-yo incident...
Randomize
