fucking a dude
i mean: fucking a, dude
wow, that comma made all the difference there
sweetheart all i remember is you throwing up and saying "i thought things would be better now that barack obama is president"
Funny. I made out with his brother for the first time in a bathroom too.
Just reduced mom to tears when she realized I wasn't kidding about hating kids. She's crying about never being a gma. Now would be the time to tell her about the girl you knocked up. You're welcome.
He might have if you were a little more subtle about your feelings instead of telling everyone multiple times how much you wanted his dick
it's a drink the shower water kind of morning ...
I know how to say Yes, No, and Your Mother's Vagina. So almost fluent.
He walked door to door asking if anyone needed to get laid. Surprisingly, that ended his drought
I think he just caught a duck in mid flight
Let me rub your butt and eat French fries from your mouth and dip them in your ketchup filled belly button.
So, I without a doubt haven't used the bag I'm now carrying since we were dating. Just had to discreetly throw out an unopened magnum in a bus station.
I don't intentionally mean to ruin relationships for personal gain but. Yeah nah I totally do.
Also, my guy said they would be around. And i clarified that when I asked him for mushrooms he didn't hear "a mushroom or two" but rather understood I meant "all the mushrooms you can find between now and 4th of July."
and then she sorta stared at me like "holy shit" and I looked down and my dog was licking her ass
Ruff night.
wow wtf man i was the friend bailing you out of jail with 500 cash and you didnt have the common courtesy of waking me up for class when i passed out drunk and naked in the bath tub
Randomize
