I will give everyone a free pointer today. Here it goes, always pee by the house late at night to avoid getting shot by drunk bastards with guns. Never go by the tree line.
i just realized the only form of arm exercise i get is holding my arms up in the stand up tanning booth
If someone cleans their bathroom and shaves their crotch for you you kinda have to admit the relationship to facebook
So, i took all the condoms from his nightstand, not in the crazy ex way, but in the I paid for them way.
After New Year's Eve I will be hibernating my life away. Only wake me up for skiing, schnapps, and sex. In that order.
For future reference, the blowjob coupons I gave you for your birthday are NOT transferable to pay your friends for tacos.
Just got convinced to trip sit for a pack of cigarettes and a burrito. Let the games begin
He is currently tell his hat to go free. Like he has it sitting on the table just waiting for it to take off. When he's not looking I'm gonna throw it off the balcony and tell him it's flying
PS- I just ordered a two man zebra costume. Would you like to be my back end?
There's a dead squirrel in the freezer. Is that what you stopped to get out of the road last night?
He'd pee in it. And since it's PBR I'd have no idea
this is the first time in over a year I had a pregnancy scare and actually would have known who the father was. I guess this is what adulthood feels like.
We compared her boobs to bacon. I'm probably going to have to justify that.
I remember looking at his body and thinking wow you have a body sculpted by Jesus himself. Still not sure if I said that out loud or not
Guess who's the proud owner of her very own foxtail butt plug!!
Currently at a bar observing the mating patterns of drunken people in their 60s. This is hilariously terrifying. Hope he has Viagra.
Randomize
