pop tarts are not kleenex
He said he has something to give me... I swear to God if it's a joint or a framed picture of his penis i'm going to kill him
you got me arrested i just think that goes without question you owe me a blowjob
Just reduced mom to tears when she realized I wasn't kidding about hating kids. She's crying about never being a gma. Now would be the time to tell her about the girl you knocked up. You're welcome.
We can add pilot to the list of people who's lives I've changed...with my penis.
You take your time. Wallowing in last nights filth is the best way to get over a hangover
We were in the hot tub...he ate the pizza pocket directly out of my mouth
It's a given that you're going to get peed on at a country concert
On a toatally unrelated note, I see music in my hair
I mean he gave me an 'I owe you an orgasm' fist bump
Like I actually don't feel all that great but the fact that I'm not projectile vomiting at work makes life seem so magical
It's not above me to sleep with him solely for his authentic budweiser shirt
ANIME MEN ARE MAKING ME QUESTION MY SEXUALITY AGAIN
Your vagina is not a steamboat from the 1800's
I just found a ladybug shell in my underwear. What was I doing last night?
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