i think my tv is drunk
You know, I didn't realize this at the time, but it appears that I am being "heavily petted" by 3 grown men in that pic.
If these were biblical times then you'd be a Roman Senator.
i think guys can sense when i'm not wearing underwear
I am drunk as shit eating pancakes. I am not the person to call.
Last night after we fucked, I washed my vag in vodka so I wouldn't get an STD
Or, you could have used a condom
so does the 200 for rent and 150 for utilities include the never telling my boyfriend about the guys i bring home.. or is that extra?
i'm in that phase where i'll swallow anything except food
Half the people who compete die. All the rest either lose their minds or grow an innate fear of sharks, vodka, and fishbowls
I did too many shots and now a kitten is trying to eat my bagel.
Concert was great. Tackled the lead singer. Met him afterwards. He was cool about it.
the manischevitz sangria was a big hit
I feel like we need to find him and explain that if the two of them would just fuck he'd understand.
Sorry 4 always trying to rope you into my sexual exploits
"hahahaha" is not a sufficient reply when I tell you my mother laughed at a joke about me giving blowjobs.
I am become drunk, destroyer of all worlds
Randomize
