is there an easy way to say "i didnt plan on sleeping with you until i saw how drunk you were" ?
Literally getting boned by my flask right now. I didn't really think about this whole sneaking past security in a skin tight dress.
If you fuck her, Im going to call you and I want you to cough 2 times.
i just keep picturing us drunk surrounded by kittens.
tell me there's a reason my bed smells like paint thinner
I just realized I'm the burger in your burger and steak anology. Very disconcerting.
Omg having my Grindr go off at the planned parenthood is just not okay
Your grammar in that last text message was so awful.. My vagina wants to go crawl in a hole, and never speak to you again.
You sat on a wall pretending to be a gargoyle before shouting "batman!" and jumping at me
I'm the drunk Des Moines deserves, but not the one it needs
I am sleeping in the bathtub because my bed is too soft.
So yeah he had good weed?
Like I would feel weird too if you just cancelled our wedding, cut off all your hair and started twerking everywhere
Played never have I ever with high schoolers today. Needless to say they brought up threesomes so I had to make a judgement call and decided to not put my finger down
He can kiss the multicultural 3 some goodbye
Hypothetically, I throw a party and my ex-boyfriend and my current fuck buddy are in the same house... what should I do?
How many beds are in the house? Hypothetically...
You took a bite of the snack wrap put it down and fell asleep and when you woke up ten minutes later you asked how it got there, dipped it in soda ate it and fell back asleep.
Randomize
