Until that no good dick sucking whore stays away from my boyfriend I am gonna start blowing all of his friends...
Are you drinking alone?
no, i'm watching house
That doesn't count.
wtf, then i'm always alone
I'm surrounded by dudes and fupa's! No hot chicks...wtf!?
Medical industry, most hot chicks dont want to deal with blood + shit
I'm at McDonalds and when I walked up to the register the guy said "I'm so sorry." Before I said a word. That's how bad my hangover is.
i am too hungover to go to class can you just call me and put it on speaker phone
I just walked in on my roommates playing baseball with old vegetables and a bigass knife.
I realized it was a bad idea when I broke my collar bone
If you have a glass table... Put it up. I don't wanna hurt myself again, I just got my stitches out...
$200 on plane. $110 on train. $5 per drink on plane. $15 per case on train. Plane 1 hour flight. Train 9 hour excursion. Hmmmmm.
I just crashed on my couch and have no intention of ever getting up again
I will be over with a bedpan and beer
I'm resourceful. I forgot we don't have coca cola so now I'm drinking Jack & Dew or Mountain Daniels. Also, I haven't decided on an official name yet for this drink. I'm leaning toward Jack & Dew
My lease is up and I've been thinking, it's only fair that the guys I've fucked in this apartment in the past year help me move. They enjoyed the bed, now help me move it.
Buying drug test kits off amazon. And qualifying for amazonSmile donation to a kids hospital feels wrong and funny at the same time xD
I'm going to get him a gold star sticker and put it on his dick
Have you considered murder?
Other than my credit score and this bowl of oatmeal, not really. It's very messy
Randomize
