I drank like a thousand beers last night and my poo is solid, not gross like usual. I think this means I've grown up.
I look like a sausage in jean shorts, you should have woken up earlier and approved my outfit.
i would hope so, cause i don't think 'i drove off the road because i was getting some head' is covered in insurance
You know whats sad? As I walk past the campus daycare i cant help think, look at those drunk mistakes
The only thing i was looking forward to on 4th of july was the google logo and they let me down. That and beer, lots and lots of beer
The 9th floor RA wants to know why we stacked 21 cinder blocks in the shower, and I can't remember. Do you?
Oh, I forgot to ask if u have any idea what happened to the back of my ear and if u were present when I almost fell off the roof...
And some old guy told me Jesus loves me and I laughed super hard and told him sinning is fun. Hahaha
Russians do not operate on the same level as the rest of us. hoping I wake up tomorrow
After a few mimosas, my mom started sharing her plans to move out of the house and into a retirement village so she can be the youngest one there and find herself a "nice old sugar daddy." Needless to say, break has not started off well...
So good!! I became real good friends with an adorable black lesbian couple from Baltimore and a man in a diaper.
It's a sad day when you're not really phased by the McChicken video only because you've seen weirder porn.
he put a condom on for a handjob WTF
You got drunk, made toast, and declared yourself a domestic goddess.
Imagine we only get one cock for the rest of your life. I’d pick his dick. That good!
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