I think you should know he took my pants (buttons and zippers included) and my thong off with his mouth alone. I found my husband
She walked in the room and sighed really loudly fishing for attention. but I didn't bite cuz I don't give a fuck what's wrong with her.
Shit sorry. Maybe I wont give you this sweet ass fanny pack I found in my parents attic
I just want you to know that if I ever had to fight man eating flowers or flying turtles to save my friends they'd be fucked. No one's worth all that bullshit. PS I really need to stop playing Wii while drunk.
Tequila is the liquid version of celery. I lose more calories during tequila drunk and the following sexual activities than I gain by drinking it...
it was really awkward..i thought he had two dicks, but later realized it was jsut his roommate
Was that not clear on Friday when I nearly deapthroated two ice cubes?
As he was under the stripper backwards, he yelled "we should totally be facebook friends"
Revised rule: don't put your dick in the general vacinity of mental instability.
Not even dry humping. Not even a little bit.
I can't even express how horny I am. The English language isn't equipped for what I'm plotting.
I am going to tweet NASA until they put me into space
Those rocketship riding assholes need the common man
It's a whole movie about Joseph Gordon-Levitt watching porn and having sex... I NEED to own it..
whoever decided snowing in 90 percent of campus on a night when the streets are flowing with tequila and skittles was clearly not an R.A.
You took the receipt and ate it. You then took it out and gave it to the waitress with slobber and holes all over it.
She totals her lexus and all she wants is to have crazy wild sex.
Randomize
